Good Luck Shay
by A-Million-Miles-Too-Close
Summary: Shane thinks he's finally found the one, the only problem is he's vexed. Anyone who sleeps with him, falls in love with the next man she meets. HMxCR crossover. SHILEY - ShanexMiley. LEGAL! Rating changed to M.
1. Trailer

**Good Luck Shay.**

_Shows a wedding dinner. _

"_I'd like to make a toast to Shane, my good luck charm" _

**Women called him... **

"_**Good Luck Shay" **_

_Flashes to Shane kissing random girls. _

"_You have one night with a girl, the next man she meets is the one she falls in love with, that's how it works right?" _

**But now...**

_Cuts to a Shane sat at a table, somebody joining him. _

"_I'm Miley. I went to college with the bride" _

"_Shane. Used to date the bride"  
_

_Cuts to Shane and Miley kissing. _

"_Mileys the one man, I feel like she just..." _

"_Completes you?" _

_Cuts to Miley making her way to Shane's bed, Shane holding a phone to his ear and watching her. _

_**What should be a blessing...**_

_Shows Miley and Shane smiling at each other. _

**Feels like a curse.**

"_Abort mission, the next man she meets, she'll marry" _

"_That's not true" _

_Cuts to Miley smirking at him from the bed. _

"_I called all your exes, their married" _

"_I hate you!" _

**To get the girl of his dreams...**

_Cuts to Miley sat with a penguin at Sea World.  
_

**Shanes prepared to do anything.**

_Cuts to Shane and Nate looking down at the pool._

**With anyone.**

"_This chick isn't ever getting married" _

"_I'll pay you 100 dollars to go out with me tonight?" _

_Cuts to Shane and Daisy sat in a restaurant._

"_I'm going to fuck you till you die!" _

_Shows Shane downing another shot. _

_Cuts to Shane in shower, scrubbing himself with washing powder. _

**True Love...**

_Shows Shane and Miley laughing. _

**Has never been so hard. **

_Cuts to Miley and Shane in separate bath tubs. _

"_Come over"_

"_I want too, I really... want to, but I can't" _

"_Does your phone receive pictures?" _

_Shows Shane looking at his phone before going underwater. _

**Starring...**

**Joe Jonas as Shane Gray. **

**Miley Cyrus as Miley Stewart. **

**Kevin Jonas as Jason Gray. **

**Mitchel Musso as Oliver Oken. **

**Guest apperences from - **

**Demi Lovato as Mitchie Torress.**

Emily Osment as Lilly Truscott.  



	2. One

This isn't very long, sorry. It's not very good either, but it's kind of a starter chapter?  
This has also been changed to a M, that doesn't mean I'll be writing sex scenes though, because I won't.

Review please, dont just favourite! It's annoying.

* * *

A 13 year old Shane sat next to a 14 year old Jason, who was currently smirking at the ladies, winking; to which they turned away rolling their eyes.

"Okay, so 7 minutes in heaven, everyone knows how to play?" Darren asked he was the kid having this stupid birthday party.

Catching Sharon's eye, Shane perked up a little smiling, maybe if luck was on his side and he happened to get her, it'd turn out a whole lot better. He shivered as Rachel or 'Morticia' as he liked to call her winked at him.

"So remember the bases Shane!" Jason brought him out of his trance, knocking his brother's shoulder lightly.

"Bases? Oh right bases. First is kiss...?"

Jason nodded, waiting for Shane to go on.

"Second are boobs, and third is...?"

"Third is..."

"Finger"

Jason burst out laughing and Shane rolled his eyes. This kind of stuff should be embarrassing to talk about with your brother.

"Right, but you know second is good enough for me"

Shane once again rolled his eyes, he couldn't pin point when Jason had become so obnoxious.

"Jason, you spin first!" Darren smiled rolling the bottle towards him.

Shrugging Jason spun the beer bottle they'd found and watched it whirl, he'd be happy whichever girl he got, it's not like he didn't fancy all of them.

"Alyssa"

The lads started cheering as she groaned standing up and following him into the closet as someone shut the doors, pressing the chair against the handle.

"You stand in that corner, I'll stand in mine" She snapped as his hand went to turn the light off.

"Fine, but tell them I felt you boobs"

"No, I'll say we kissed"

"Boobs"

"Kissed"

"Boobs"

"Kissed"

"Fine, but I kissed your boobs"

She rolled her eyes, throwing the nearest show at him. "Get a life"

"Okay guys that seven minutes is over"

Alyssa let out a sigh of relief as she practically pushed the door off its hinges sitting next to her friends again.

"We kissed"

"I totally felt her boobs" Jason whispered to his friends.

"Shane, how about you go next?"

Shane nodded, catching Sharon's eyes and she smiled at him as he let the bottle spin around in front of them. As the bottle slowed down, his heart sped up, it was near enough on Sharon and it had near enough finished spinning.

Stopping abruptly, he looked up into the face of the one thing that made his heart want to leap from his chest into his throat.

'Morticia' smirked at him, leaning over to grab his hand and pull him up and into the closet. He heard the chants of the other boys and groaned to himself.

"I think this side of the closet suits me fine"

"Oh c'mon this is what you want, don't deny it!" She advanced on him pulling him closer and crashing her lips onto his. He let out a squeal trying to push her away.

"Rachel stop!"

"What's your problem, I've liked you since 3rd grade" She smiled pushing him to lie on the floor, climbing over him and ripping her top off.

"Rachel..."

"Relax, this is my first time too" She smiled, before kissing him again, her thick black lipstick smearing across his cheeks and lips.

Trying to push her away again, he winced as he felt her nails scratch down his chest.

"I read in Mom's magazine that was supposed to bring more pleasure to your partner"

"RACHEL STOP!" He squealed again, finally managing to get her off him.

Standing up in a rush he tripped, falling head first through the wooden doors, landing next to the group of friends gathered around.

"Whoa dude, that's my man!" Jason grabbed Shane's wrist high fiving their hands together.

Rachel emerged from the closet, her face hard and cold. She towered over him, making him jump and try to scramble from his lying position into a sitting position, only failing.

"That's it Shane Gray, I'm hexing you! From now on any girl that sleeps with you will fall in love with the next man she meets. You will never be happy!"

The others all jumped back as she shouted down at him, before standing up straight raising her hands in the air, letting out a long scream before storming off.

"Well that was weird"

"Just a little"

Jason pulled Shane up into a standing position. "You okay bro?"

Shane nodded pulling his shirt back together and grabbing his jacket. "I think it's time to go home"


	3. Two

So yeah, this is pretty much the same as the movie, i will be changing things and adding things in though, so watch for them! (:  
Miley will be in the next chapter, honest. (:  
Reviews!  


* * *

Shane smiled as both himself and Mitchie fell into the sand giggling and near enough completely naked. It wasn't like anyone would catch the two of them here, the beach was always secluded.

She leant down to kiss him, before trailing her lips towards her target. The gasp from his mouth once she'd reached there made her smile, a little more effort coming from her.

"You're amazing" He sighed leaning his head back and moaning softly.

"I love you"

Shane froze, letting his back hit the floor. She stopped and looked up at him, frowning.

"I love you" She repeated in case he hadn't heard properly.

"That's ... nice...?" He managed to splutter out.

"That's 'nice'. I'm licking the god damn sand off your balls and all you can say is 'That's nice?!" She started to raise her voice, waiting for an explanation.

"No that was an "Oh, my god". A very enthusiastic "Oh, my god", believe me" He tried as she stood up starting to grab her clothes. "I love that you love me..."

"Pathetic" She spat starting to walk away as he managed to grab his shirt covering himself.

"Wait! Mitchie, I feel strongly about you!" He shouted as she carried on walking away. "I just don't think the 'L' word should be thrown around casually"

"The 'L' word... what are you, FIVE?" She shouted turning to look at him.

"Fine, love. I don't think love should just be thrown about" He tried again.

"How about the 'F' word and the 'U' word!" She growled angrily as she turned on her heel again storming off up the beach.

Sighing in defeat he looked around for his pants, drawing up a blank until he looked out to the ocean, his pants drifting away. Covering himself with his shirt he made his way towards the parking lot, heading for his car.

Pulling the handle he cursed lightly. "Great, fucking locked"

A Police car stopped, a butch looking female officer getting out. Shane groaned as he turned to her.

"Put your hands up, where I can see them"

Awkwardly, Shane lifted his hands up, the shirt following him as the woman made a disgusted face.

"Down, put your hands back down!" She cried.

--

Jason and Shane both grabbed the coffee from the stand, handing the money over and walking away from the change. Jason had become a plastic surgeon, from the geeky kid he used to be. Shane and Jason's offices just happened to be across from each other.

"Are you going to Mitchie's wedding next week?" Shane asked turning to look at Jason as they walked towards the buildings.

"Do bridesmaids give head in the coat room?" Jason asked, before smiling. "Is it easy to pull at a wedding?"

Shane rolled his eyes. "Have you ever pulled at a wedding?"

"I'm pacing myself!" Jason frowned "Hey don't you find it weird you two were dating 6 months ago and now she's marrying a doctor"

"I'm a doctor!"

"He's a heart surgeon, you're a dentist, I think there's a slight difference" Jason laughed. "It's like saying General Patton and Cornel Mustard are both military men!"

"I'm thinking this could be the last conversation we have, ever. So if there's anything you need to tell me, now would be the time"

"Jenny sucked a mean cock" Jason smirked not missing a beat, Jenny being one of Shane's ex girlfriends. "You heading to the wedding with Lilly?"

Shane shook his head. "We broke up three weeks ago"

"Dude, why didn't you tell me?"

"I did, three times" Shane rolled his eyes.

"She was _so_ into you" Jason pointed out as Shane sighed.

"Yeah, I – I just don't know what's wrong with me, I want love. I want to fall in love, but..."

"Love is not a four letter word Shay" Jason piped up.

"Actually it is" Shane stated. "Why are you clothes always stained with blood?"

"Hey, breast reconstruction is a messy job!" Jason defended as they stepped into the lift heading for the 6th floor.

"Does seeing breasts every day, you know...?" Shane asked thoughtfully.

Jason laughed. "That's disgusting; I'll have you know that I'm a _professional_."

It went silent as the elevator doors opened, before a quiet giggle emitted from Jason's lips. Stepping out, they made their way to each of their own doors.

"Hi Dr. Jason" A blonde smiled as she walked past, a huge breasted blonde.

"I've jerked off to her x-rays" Jason whispered as Shane shook his head.

"I hope you have time to write to me from hell"

Shane's door swung opening revealing Reba, a middle aged, and fairly large woman.

"Dr. Shane, you're five minutes later, you have five crowns, four fillings and two cleans. You have too many patients and my patience is wearing out with you standing out here talking to Mr. Boobjob"

"Hello Reba, always a pleasure" Jason smiled.

She didn't reply, instead turning to look at him. "Were you just looking at my tits?"

"What? No!" Jason defended quickly.

"Because I am more than happy with what the lord almighty gave me. Now if you don't like that, would you like me to squish you like the bug you..."

"I promise, I wasn't looking..."

Reba placed a finger up to silence him, smiling a satisfied smile she turned around heading back into the office, pulling Shane with her.


	4. Three

Well, here's an update! I thought I'd do it today, considering I'm off work sick.  
Review please. (: X

* * *

Walking towards the sink, Shane washed his hands as his new dental intern leant over his patient, with the suction.

"Hi, I'm Shane"

Lilly managed to gurgle a response, turning Shane's attention towards his new intern. Rolling his chair over, he smiled slightly.

"Easy with the suction, we want the Saliva not her Spleen"

Smiling down at Lilly warmly, he took over from his Intern.

"So, you lost a cap?"

"Chewing ice. My shrink says I have an oral fixation" She smiled, her flirting tone coming across boldly.

Shane smiled "My shrink says I need to stop dating patients"

"Looks like we both need to fire our shrinks..."

--

Shane found himself the next morning in Lilly's apartment. The two currently were in the middle of a pretty sweaty love-making session. She's started yelling so loud, Shane found himself unconsciously pulling the pillow over his ears.

A few moments later, the locomotive reaches the station and the two are silent, lay side by side.

"My ears are ringing" Shane let out a sigh as there was another beat of silence between them.

"I've been dishonest with you" Lilly turned her head to look at Shane.

"You faked it?"

"Yes, but that's not what I'm talking about" She let out a sigh as Shane sat up.

"Huh?"

"I sought you out. Last week..." Shane's confused expression caused her to carry on.

"I work at the hospital and you dated two of my friends. Sarah from Radiology and Alex from Trauma"

"I didn't realize they were such big fans. Well I hope we last longer than I did with them"

"Yeah about that... I'm afraid this is it"

Shane lay back down, taking the information in and he felt genuinely hurt.

"Wow... I must really suck"

"No, you were good" Lilly jumped in "Really"

"Is that why you faked it?" He replied.

"Sorry, force of habit. Unlucky in love, I guess" She shrugged turning to look at him, taking in his doe-eyed face she smiled gently.

"You want to give it another shot?"

Shane still slightly taken aback, offers her a dispirited hug. Smiling, she leans over to kiss him before snuggling up to him.

"So... how are the girls?" He asked as she rested comfortably in his arms.

"Married"

"Both of them?"

Lilly nodded and Shane let out a breath. "I dated Alex like last year"

Nodding again, Lilly smiled a little "She met some prince on vacation in Cabo"

"Jeez, it feels like everybody is getting married" Shane sighed, before a thought crossed his mind and he suddenly became panicked.

"You're still my date for the wedding right? I don't really want to turn up at my ex-girlfriend's wedding flying solo"

Lilly nodded playfully "Only because I broke your heart"

He manages a half smile, trying to control the expression on his face "I think it's only fair to let you know... I faked it too"

--

Later that afternoon, Shane found himself at the reception of Mitchie's wedding. An eighty year old woman had just finished her horrific rendition of "Oops, I did it Again", the DJ cutting her off towards the end.

"Thank you Grandma Loretta. Up next we have Uncle Murray singing 'Darling Nikki'"

Shane laughed a little, a karaoke wedding – great.

Jason hovered next to Shane. "Listen, you're my wing man. If the blonde asks, I'm a multi-billionaire who invented ketchup. If it's the red head, I wrote 'We Are the World', and if it's that cheerleader hottie, my penis is in the Guinness Book of World Records. Girth, not length... I want it to sound believable"

Shane nods, although he's not listening. His eyes were watching Lilly chat up the best man.

A few moments later a beauty in a bridesmaids dress walks by.

"Batter up!" Jason smirks following after her, as the bride, Mitchie slides up to Shane kissing his cheek.

"You look great" Shane smiled hugging her before pulling away.

"So do you" She smiled back before looking around "Seeing anyone?"

Shane pointed out Lilly in the corner "We're getting serious"

Mitchie happened to turn around just in time to see Lilly inhaling the best mans tongue.

"At the same time we're trying to give each other space"

Mitchie smiled sadly up at Shane "I worry about you sometimes, Shane. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride"

"It's probably best, white makes my calves look big"

Mitchie sighed as she reached out gently touching Shane's hand "Joke all you want. 'The door to the human heart can only be opened from the inside'"

He cast her a glance and she laughed a little "Dorky, but true"

"How about 'it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all'" Shane asked a smile playing on his lips.

"I'll buy that when you can honestly tell me you've loved"

"Touché" He nodded.

"I just want to see you happy"

They both turned to look at the D.J as he made an announcement.

"Attention all hot mamas! If we could have all the single ladies on the dance floor for the tossing of the bride's bouquet"

Shane smiled as Mitchie hugged him goodbye before his eyes caught Lilly still wrapped around the best man. He frowned, a little hurt.

A drum roll starts and Mitchie begins to tease the girls with the bouquet.

"The next lucky lady is..."

Turning around, Mitchie threw the bouquet through the air, a few children jumped up trying to catch it, the sea of hands only pushing it back up into the air. Catching on the ceiling fan, the bouquet happened to find its way into Lilly hands, surprised she held them up into the air.

--

The party had calmed down by now and the dinner almost digested. Shane found himself sat at a table, several pretty girls sat talking on the same table. A few places were vacant, Shane noticing one for his date, who was nowhere to be found.

Shane finds himself mid-conversation with one of the pretty brunettes.

"I'd rather have a twelve hour colonospy than get my teeth cleaned. I hate dentists" The woman shuddered lightly and Shane couldn't help but force himself to smile politely at her.

The clink of a glass stopped the conversation progressing and Shane turned to where everyone else seemed to be looking. Mitchie was stood ready to address her family and friends.

"I just want to thank everybody for coming to share this day with us" Mitchie smiled before turning to look at her husband "Dan, you make my heart soar. I couldn't imagine being happier than I am now"

"Wait until tonight sweetheart!" One of the Groomsmen shouted, causing a few laughs to erupt.

Mitchie smiles raising her glass "I know it's a little unorthodox but I'd also like to propose a toast. To Shane Gray"

Shane is surprised to say the least, Mitchie winking at him.

"Thank you Shane, for being my lucky charm"

"To Shane" Everyone raises their glasses a little confused before clapping. Shane doesn't drink, he's trying to figure out what the hell she'd been talking about.

"You're _that_ Shane?" One of the pretty girls asks, turning to him with interest.

"What Shane?"

She gets a little closer, whispering "That Shane that's a ... dentist"

Shane gives her a confused look as she turns to whisper to the girl sat next to her. The second girl turns to look at Shane before chortling a "Yeah! Whatever" loudly.

He looked between the both of them, something weird was going on. A few moments later there's a loud crash behind Shane and as he turns to look at what it is, a flying wine bottle manages to just miss decapitating him.

Shane looked up coming face to face with Miley Stewart, cute, perky and a klutz, in the cutest way possible. Her white jacket, now happened to wear a hefty amount of red wine.

"Table five?" She asks, not missing a beat.

Shane nods as she sits next to him, handing her his napkin to wipe the stain off a little. She mouthed an embarrassed 'thank you'.

"So did I miss anything?" She asked as she busied herself crossing out the Y on her table name card and replacing it with a S.

"Let's see; to have and to hold, love, respect, I do, I do, you may kiss the bride, chicken or fish, the first dance to a rendition of 'I will always love you' that was just plain wrong, white cake, raspberry filling, champagne, and... that's about it" He smiled.

Miley turns, happening to accidently knocking her fork onto the floor. Leaning over she picked it up blowing on it, dusting it off.


	5. Four

Updated again, I love writing this story. (: Thanks to the people who wished me well again, I'm feeling a lot better although I can't seem to shake this sore throat I've had for the past month. People really dont want to know anyway.  
Reviews please?

* * *

The Karaoke kicks in again, making it impossible for the two to hear anyone else on the table, although the two didn't seem to mind.

"I'm Miley; I went to College with the bride"

"Shane. Used to date the bride" He laughed a little as she smiled.

"Me too"

A few of the guests at the table turned to her, obviously being able to hear the last two sentences.

"Well it was a onetime only experimental thing in College. An experiment that went horribly wrong" She took a sip of champagne before adding "We couldn't stop giggling"

Turning towards Shane, Miley gave him the once over.

"You're not really her type"

Shane smirked "I was thinking the same about you"

"Oh, the lesbian thing didn't take. Now I only giggle with boys" She let out a small laugh, before noticing Shane's cake still sitting there. "You gonna eat that?"

Shane shook his head, pushing the untouched piece of wedding cake towards her; she let out a small smile before tucking in.

"So who are you here with?" Shane asked.

"No one – what are you trying to say?" She mocked offense and he laughed.

"Please, my date went home with the best man"

Noticing the look of sympathy in her eyes, Shane decided to turn the conversation.

"What do you do?"

"I run the penguin habitat at sea world" She smiled.

"Seriously?"

"No. I'm a serial killer and my M.O is that I kill people with my kung-fu grip"

Shane shook his head smiling at her.

"What do you do?"

"Dentist. Not quite as intriguing as a 'serial killer'" He smiled, before slipping her one of his cards.

Picking it up she smiled "At least you get these. We homicidal maniacs don't usually carry business cards"

Finishing the last bite of cake, she reaches over the table for Tracy's, in the process managing to knock a large bowl of water with floating candles into Shane's lap. He jumps back, pain from the liquid wax becoming evident.

"Ahhh. Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold" Shane continued to jump around as Mileys face began to burn up.

"I am SO sorry" Grabbing some napkins; Miley began to help Shane clean up. They sat down once the job was somewhat done, Shane squishing into the chair.

An awkward moment floated through the air, before a smile crossed over Mileys face.

"The way you just reacted to that... it totally reminded me of someone – I can't place it. It's right there on the tip of my tongue – Oh yeah, now I remember..."

He arched his eyebrow waiting for an answer.

"... A six year old girl"

Shane nodded a 'thank-you' taking the dig as best as a man could. Jason chose that moment to walk over to Miley, a cocky grin from ear to ear.

"Well, here I am... what are your other two wishes?"

Shane forgetting about the awkward moment shook his head at his brother.

"Um... If you hadn't noticed, **I **was in the middle of flirting with Ms. Stewart"

"If you hadn't noticed, she dumped a centrepiece in your lap. Take the hint" Jason rolled his eyes before turning to Cam.

"Hi, I'm **Dr. **Jason Gray. But you can call me Dr. Jase" He smiled, before noticing the wine stain on her jacket. "You know, club soda and salt will get that out"

"Miley, Jason. Jason, Miley" Turning too Miley, Shane continued to explain Jason's introduction. "Jase knows about stains because he's always covered in blood"

"You're a serial killer too?" Miley smiled.

"Reconstructive surgeon" Adding some false modesty he continued, "If someone has an accident or was born with a deformity, I'm there to help"

"And by deformity, he means 'small breasts'" Shane rolled his eyes.

"He's jealous, because whilst he's cleaning plague, I'm making the world a better place" Jason smiled turning to Miley once more.

"Because God knows, what this world needs is another stripper with boobs bigger than her head" Shane jumped back, turning to Miley he smiled "Would you like to dance?"

A teasing smile on her face, she looked between the two men. "It looks like your dance card is full"

"Maybe later?" He asked hopefully.

"Sorry. It was nice meeting you... both" She smiled before waving to another good looking man at another table and making a quick exit.

Shane turns to Jason with a 'what the hell is wrong with you' look. Jason ignoring it as he looks up at the women at the table.

"Hey, are you ladies familiar with the Guinness Book of World Records?"

The next day Shane strides into work. As he enters the lobby, he sees a dozen or so women waiting. Up-on closer inspection he notices that two of them happen to be from his wedding table.

_What the hell?_

"Good morning, Doctor. I think I have a cavity" One of the girls looked up a small smile on her face.

A second girl shrugs a small smile on her face "Me too"

As he slowly makes his way to his office, he notices that most of the women look familiar, most of them from the wedding.

-

Shane enters Jason's waiting room and approaches the desk.

"Hi, Sharon. I need to see Jase right away!"

Jason's voice is heard from the back. "Yo, Shay. Come back here for a sec!"

Shane walks into the room, stopping as he notices Jason with a topless blonde, armed with gigantic fake breasts. Turning, Shane starts to step from the room.

"I'm sorry. I..."

"Wait-wait. We need you. Shane, this is pleasure" Jason smiled.

Trying to avert his eyes anywhere but her breasts, Shane shakes her hand. "Nice to meet you"

"The pleasures all mine. Get it? The 'pleasure' is all mine. My name is Pleasure" She smiled.

At loss for words, Shane manages, "It's very... clever"

"We're looking for a second opinion. What do you think? Are they even?"

Embarrassed, Shane looks over at the mammoth mammaries. Although they are obscenely large, "Yes, they're even"

--

Walking along the street, the two brothers munch on hotdogs.

"So you knew they were even?" Shane asked confused.

"Of course they were even – I did 'em. I just wanted you to see 'em without buying a lap dance" Jason smiled.

"How did you get a license to practice medicine?"

Playing along, Jason smiled. "'License'? What do you mean? You need a license?"

Shane shakes his head, moving towards Jason a little.

"Listen... have you noticed anything different about me?"

"Other than your aversion to women's breasts?" Jason asked.

"I don't have a... No, I just... women seem to be coming onto me... in an unusual way" Shane replied.

"Well, somebody's had a full cup of himself today" Jason retorted as he looked over Shane's shoulder to see Alex standing in a shop, wearing a wedding gown. She sees the gawking two-some and steps outside to greet them.

"Shane. Jason"

"Alex?"

Looking at the wedding dress, Jason decided to make a remark. "Are those back in season again?"

Alex held her hand out to display a huge engagement ring. Shane continued staring at Alex, confused.

"You're getting married?" He asks and she nods. "We broke up like a month ago"

"His name is Fran. We just clicked. What can I say?" She smiles at him. "I guess you are a lucky charm"

Shane doesn't say anything, the confused expression just sitting on his face.

--

Later that evening, Shane walks in from work throwing his white coat over the back of one of the chair and making his way towards his answering machine.

He presses the button.

"You have fourteen new messages – message one"

"Hey Shane, my name is Jade Rendell. You don't know me, but I got your number from Sarah in Radiology. I was wondering if we could meet for drinks one of these nights."

Shane presses the button skipping ahead.

"Hey Shane, my name is Beth. I was wondering if you were free..."

He presses the button again.

"Hello Shane, this is Gwen"

The button is pressed again.

"Hi. It's Hannah"

Again.

"Hi, my name is Diane..."

Shane hits pause on the machine and sits, stunned.


	6. Five

So I love updating this story! (: Here's another one.  
I'm going to try update my Cinderella one now for anyone who reads it. =D  
Oh also, I had the funniest day yesterday, I went to see Robin Hood on the stage, with John Barrowman, not sure how many of you have heard about him? He's halirous!

Review please (:  
If you fave my story, then please review too, it's annoying when you dont.  


* * *

Dressed in sweats and waterproof boots, Miley continues to dump a bucket of dead fish into a pool full of swimming penguins.

"Hey Grumpy. Stop that, leave Jester alone!"

Turning to pick up another bucket, she stops as she realises there are none.

"Oliver?! Shift it into high gear, will you? I want to go home"

On cue Oliver appears, carrying two buckets of fish. Oliver could be described as a professional pothead, always managing to be one conversation behind everyone else.

"Did you get lost back there?" Miley rolled her eyes taking the buckets from him.

"Sorry. Smoke break"

"You know if they catch you with weed, you're going to get fired. It doesn't matter that you're my best friend"

"Re-lax. How is anybody going to know?" Oliver smiled a little as he sat down on one of the fake ice blocks.

"Maybe the hemp pants? Or the hemp shirt? Or the fact you smell like you showered in bong water?"

Oliver smiles looking off distantly "When I was in college, I made a bong out of a dried blow-fish"

"You never went to college" Miley stated.

"Well I never _enrolled_. But I sold a ton of shit at Stanford"

Miley turns towards him, playfully throwing one of the fishes towards him, before finishing dumping the bucket in her hands into the water. Turning around to reach the last bucket, she accidently trips on it.

Tumbling down the penguin slide, she starts flapping her arms around, still holding onto a few fish. She manages to save herself at the last moment, standing on the edge of the ice.

"And you think I look wasted?" Oliver carried on chortling at the scene in front of him.

Miley looks up, to see one of the penguins at the top of the slide eyeing the fish in her hand, her smile quickly fades.

"Wait, Grumpy, no..."

Grumpy decides to ignore her, diving and rolling into Miley as a bowling ball would, causing Mileys feet to flip from under her. As she does this she does a face plant against a rock and sinks into the water.

The accident is half-tragic, half-hysterical. Oliver rushes (as fast as a stoner can rush) to the edge of the water.

"Whoa, Murphy, that was radical"

Miley surfaces holding her mouth, "I think I chipped a tooth"

--

Shane smiles as he holds open for the car door and a pretty young girl named Ashley slips in. As Shane closes the door and walks around the car, she quickly checks herself in the mirror. Shane climbs into his convertible, the top down.

"Do these seats go down?"

"Pardon?" Shane asks confused.

Instead of an answer, Ashley decides to pounce, climbing over the stick shift and on top of him. Her butt accidently jams into the horn, emitting a long honk from the care. She starts to take her top of –

"Wait. Don't you want to...?"

Removing her bra she looks at him confused "What?"

"I don't know... have dinner first?"

"Is that how it works?" She asks as Shane pulls away gently, looking into her eyes.

"How what works?"

"You know that thing" Off Shane's blank stare she continues "The thing, the magic, the charm, the spell"

She attacks him again, the front seat being so tiny her foot brushes the windshield wiper, causing fluid to spray over the window, attacking them.

From outside the car, the flashing of headlights can be seen a few times, before the car starts to roll down the hill and onto a neighbour's yard.

Back inside the care, Shane pulls the emergency brake and pulls away from the girl.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down – what the hell are you talking about?"

Ashley, thinking he knows, smiles "You're a lucky charm. You have sex with somebody and then they find their true love. Isn't that how it works?"

"Has everybody completely lost their minds? That's ridiculous. That's absurd"

"Do you want top or bottom?" She asks.

"Wait. I really don't want to take advantage of you" Shane jumped in.

"Look, don't take it do seriously. I'm certainly not. I'm doing this on a lark" She started "And you won't be taking advantage of me. Do you know how many loser boyfriends I've had? Do you know how many times I've given myself – body, mind and soul – hoping that this was the _one_, this was _it_, this was my _soul mate_, only to find that he was just some jerk-off asshole who was more interested in sleeping with my best friend and ready to dump me because he "can't see the daylight between my thighs""

She smiled at him, before excitement crossed her tone "If there's a chance, even a point-zero-zero-zero-zero-one percent chance that you're the key, that being with you might open the door to something better – well, I think I'd be take advantage of you"

Sighing, Shane smiled up at her "Would you like to have sex before or after dinner?"

"Why don't we work up an appetite?" She grinned before leaning down as the kiss got a little more passionate.

Shane's phone decided at that time it would be a good to start ringing.

"I'm sorry. That's the emergency line"

Flipping the phone open "Dr. Gray speaking"

"Hi. Shane?"

"Speaking"

A soaking wet Miley smiles lightly. "This is Miley Stewart. We met a while ago at Mitchie's wedding"

There was a beat of silence. "The serial killer?"

"Of course. Hi. How are you?" Shane couldn't help but smile warmly.

"I'm so sorry to do this to you, but I have a bit of a dental emergency"

"You know, you don't have to make up stories, Miley. If you want to see me, you can just ask" A kind, but playful tone evident – he turns to look at Ashley mouthing a 'sorry', she sits there waiting patiently.

"No, I chipped a tooth. It's a Saturday night and I'm in a lot of pain and I don't know who else to call"

"Chipped a tooth? How?"

"If you must know, I stepped in a bucket of fish, slid down an ice ramp, got body slammed by a penguin and fell face first into a fake ice boulder" She replied.

"If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that one"

"Hello... Hippocratic Oath...I'm bleeding. A lot"

"Do you know where my offices are?" Shane turns to mouth a sorry to Ashley again.

Looking down at Shane's business card in her hands, she smiles "Got it"

"I'm leaving now" Shane replied as she hangs up the phone.

She looks over through the glass at Oliver, who is now sitting in the room tripping penguins as they waddle by. As each one falls into the water, he laughs his ass off. Smiling, Miley shakes her head.

--

Half hour later and Miley is sat in the dental chair, Shane working inside her mouth.

"Does that hurt?" He asks as she shakes her head.

"Wow... that's some halitosis" He continues.

"-evy –unny. –at's the –ish" She slurs.

A playful nod comes from his head. "Sure it is"

"Fish, huh?" He finishes up "You can rinse"

Miley sits up leaning over and swishes before discreetly spitting. She looks up at the wall in front of her, pictures of Shane and a few kids smiling and holding up toothbrushes catches her eyes.

"I travel to Guatemala once a year to help out in some of the poorer villages" He explains.

Miley looks him over for a moment, approving. She moves to get from the chair, knocking the suction device to the floor. Leaning over to pick it up, her hand comes crashing down on a tray of dental tools, which go flying across the room. Two of the sharp metal picks stab Shane in the back, lodging there.

"AHHH!" Shane jumps letting out a groan of pain.

"Oh my god!"

Shane tries to reach around to get them, but he can't reach. Taking the hint Miley runs over and pulls the instruments from his back. He lets out a gasp.

"Here. I'm so sorry" She starts picking up instruments off the floor.

"It's okay... I got it. Stop helping before I lose an eye"

Shane takes off his bloodied lab coat and rubs his back.

"I hope you'll let me have that dry-cleaned"

"No, but I hope you'll let me take you for dinner on Thursday night" He smiles as she looks a little hesitant.

"Trust me; you'll be able to do far more damage to me with a steak knife"

"I'm sorry. I can't. How much do I owe you for the tooth?"

A little offended, Shane speaks up "So you draw first blood, but you won't make it up to me?"

"No really – how much do I owe you?"

"Your money is no good here" He replies.

"Okay. Thank you"

An awkward moment occurs, before Miley turns to walk out of the office.

* * *

Remember to review, i update quicker if you do. ;)


	7. Six

_Thanks for all your feedback on this story, it means a lot (: Here's another update.  
I'm off to bed now, I have work in the morning, boo-hoo! But please, review, cheer me up! (:_

* * *

Shane, dried blood spots on his shirt, is locking up the office as Miley steps back into the hallway from the elevator. Turning to look at her, he smiles happily.

"Change your mind?"

"My car won't start" She states.

"Sure it won't" He lets out a smirk.

"I left my lights on"

He carries on smirking at her, not buying it. Rolling her eyes, she immediately turns back to the elevator.

"Okay, I'm pushing it"

"Wait, wait. I _want_ to jump you"

She looks at him and smiles as he joins her into the elevator.

--

Shane attaches the last jumper cable as the two cars sit bumper to bumper. Miley sits at the steering wheel, watching.

"Okay. Let her rip"

Turning on the ignition, the car starts right up. Miley smiles as she gets out of the car engine running. Shane disconnects the cable.

"Thank you. Thank you for fixing my tooth. Thank you for jumping my car"

"Don't mention it" He smiles.

Behind Miley, her car door slams closed. They keys in the ignition and the car running, Mileys locked out.

"And thank you for driving me home to get my spare set of keys"

--

Shane and Miley drive along towards Mileys apartment pretty quietly.

"Take a left up here at the light"

There's another moment of silence before Shane decides to speak.

"I don't know how smart it was to leave the car running"

"Trust me. It's going to be fine – it's a Geo Metro. A car-jacker wouldn't be caught dead in a Geo Metro – Right at the stop sign"

They drive on for a moment or two, before Miley breaks the silence again.

"So what were you doing this evening? Before I interrupted"

Shane pauses, "Nothing"

"Well, I'm sorry anyway"

"I'm not" He replied, she turns away so that Shane can't see the tiny smile on her face.

"This is it" Shane pulls the car over and Miley jumps out, "Keep the meter running"

He smiles as he watches her run to the door, before turning back an annoyed look on her face.

"Ahh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! – Excuse my French"

"I don't speak French – what are you saying?" Shane asks, humoured.

"My house keys are on my car key ring" She growls, obviously annoyed "It doesn't matter"

Picking up a brick from the sidewalk, Miley throws it through the window on her door and reaches her hand through to unlock it.

"What the hell?"

Miley appears after a few moments, carrying a set of keys. She gets back into the car, smiling.

"Thanks"

Shane stares at her in disbelief, as Miley looks down at the keys in her hand.

"I hope these are the right keys"

Shaking his head, amused, Shane pulls away.

--

Shane's car pulls into the parking lot; rolling to a stop it reveals a completely empty parking lot. Mileys car is gone.

"Eh, who wants to drive a Geo Metro, anyway?"

She turns to Shane and smiles sheepishly "Would you like me to walk home?"

Shane smiled and pulls away from the parking lot to take Miley home.

A moment of silence comes up during the drive, Miley trying to break it.

"My brother calls me Murphy"

"Murphy?"

"You know, 'Murphy's law'. Anything that can go wrong, will" She laughed a little "When I was eight, I got kicked out of Brownies for starting a fire"

"Doesn't starting a camp fire earn you a merit badge?" Shane asks.

"Not when it torches your camp mother' summer home" She lets out s impish shrug "I was trying to make a s'more"

"I love s'mores"

She smiles, before looks at his dashboard.

"So many buttons. "Seat warmer?" "Mapping Navigator?" What's this one do?" She asks, without waiting for an answer she pushes the button. The convertible top starts to close from behind, it catches the wind at 65mph and with a loud crack flies off the car.

"Convertible top" Shane answers flatly.

--

Pulling up at Mileys house, Shane idles the car.

"Thank you. Sorry about your back... and your top..." She motions to the back of his car. "And I owe you gas money"

"What if we had dinner at a gas station? We could have chilli-cheese-dogs and share a soda and you could square up for the gas that way"

She gets out of the car and leans in, "You seem very nice"

"Translation: Not a chance in hell" He sighs.

"Thanks again" She shoots him a quick smile, closes the car door and turns to go to her apartment. There's a loud rip and she suddenly finds herself stood in her penguin panties, her skirt caught in the car door.

Shane opens the door, hands her the skirt as she covers up and backs away.

"Good night, Dr. Gray"

"Good night, Murphy"

--

Charlie pulls into his driveway, parking the car and jumping out. As he steps into his house, he turns on the light to see Reba, his office assistant sitting in his couch in an over-coat.

"Hi, Dr. Gray"

"Reba. What the hell?" He asks startled.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I used the key you left me in case of emergencies"

Shane puts his coat down and turns on another light. There's a long silence and Reba doesn't move.

"And the emergency is...?" Shane asks finally.

"I know about the charm" Shane turns to look at her dumbfounded "Somebody posted about you on my internet dating site"

"Wait a second. This is totally out of control. It's not true!" Shane jumps in.

"That's what I thought. But then I went to Urban-Legends-Dot-Com and nobody has disproved it – Did you know that Walt Disney was cremated and not frozen?" Reba asked.

"Reba, I'll see you on Monday"

"Dr. Gray, you've always been there for me" She tried changing tactics.

"When you need a day off, yes. When you need a lift to work, yes" He clarified.

"When Reggie died four years ago, you sent that beautiful card. Remember what you wrote?" There was a beat of silence before she continued recalling the speech "If there's anything I can do, please let me know"

A little flustered, Shane replies "Yes, but..."

"Well, I'm letting you know" She buts in matter-of-factly before throwing off her coat to reveal lacy garters and a bustier that could hold up a house. She starts to stalk him around the living room, he backs away.

"This is not what I had in mind"

"These panties are edible. But I'd avoid the tush area ad I've been sitting for about three hours" She adds.

"Reba, I'm not the guy for you"

"I'm not saying you are. But the next guy might be. If we're together, I'll find my soul mate"

"That's ridiculous" He tries.

She starts to cry, this big strong woman is reduced to a sobbing wreck.

"Wait, wait. Please don't cry"

Shane moves to comfort her, but she uses the opportunity to jump on him. It had all been an act.

"I can't do this"

"Don't worry, I'll do everything" She replies as she starts to remove his shirt, his resistance is futile.

"Please, just close your eyes and imagine somebody beautiful"

This stops Shane dead in his tracks. His hands lift Reba's face so that he looks into her eyes.

"I'll imagine you. No-one but you" He replies gently, before kissing her lips kindly.

* * *

_Review. _


	8. Seven

_Same as always, read, **review**, fave - whatever youd like to do. (: _

* * *

Shane and Jason are currently practising some golf skills, the usual banter between them. Jason swings and side swipes his ball, it ricochets off the wood protective panelling and shoots back, almost decapitating him.

"Reba?!? You slept with Reba!?!"

"Shhhh. Quiet down!" Shane hisses as he hits a long, straight, perfect drive.

"You're telling me that you've got the power to turn any hot chick into a knob-gobbling, lance waxing, flesh monger and you're ploughing the back forty with Reba?"

Jason swings for another ball, it hits the fence 90 degrees to the right, and somebody ducks.

"You don't understand because you weren't there" Shane replies.

Pointing conspicuously, Jason turns to Shane "Check it. That is the kind of tail you should be chasing"

The girl walks past, Shane not failing to notice she's gorgeous.

"I'd suck a fart out of her ass and hold it like a bong hit"

Throwing Jason a disgusted look, Shane hits a long, straight, perfect drive again. Jason hits another ball that ricochets off his ball bucket and bounces behind him.

"Have you ever thought about wearing protective gear?" Shane hits another ball, Jason trying to bounce his ball on the end of his club like Tiger Woods, he never makes contact.

"Dude! Let me get this straight. They all think you're a lucky charm. Alex said it. Mitchie said it at the wedding"

"That's what they tell me" Shane shrugs.

"So according them, every girl you've ever bumped uglies with has gotten married to the next guy she dates after you?"

"It's not true"

"Who the hell cares if it's true!?!" Jason shrieks. "Wake up, man! You got it made. What's the only thing that all women want?"

Shane doesn't answer, and Jason continues.

"To get married. Raise rug-rats – And, apparently, you hold the ticket to the big show! Do you know what this means? Trim. You're gonna be seein' trim like Tommy Lee. Like Colin Farrell. Like Ellen DeGeneres"

"Have you considered the possibility that the reason you haven't had sex in this decade has something to do with your routine use of the word 'trim'?" Shane asks turning to his brother.

Ignoring him, Jason continues "Chicks. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. **56** weeks a year. Boul-ya!"

"You and I are different. Okay? Besides me not being retarded, I don't want to take advantage" Shane replies.

"Was Martin Luther King Jr. taking advantage when he said... that thing at the place? I don't think so. Was Ghandi taking advantage when he, you know, did his thing. Don't tell me Ghandi didn't score some sweet Native American trim"

"Ghandi was Indian"

"They don't like to be called that" Jason swings for the ball again, but completely misses. "Seriously, dude, I thought you wanted to find love"

"I do"

"Well, stop dipping your foot in the pool and dive the fuck in"

Shane looks up to see the gorgeous girl from earlier checking him out.

"And think about this: you'd be providing a much needed public service. You'd be helping women find love"

Shane shakes his head and chuckles at Jason's idiocy.

"Don't bitch to me that you haven't found Miss Right if you've got women lining up for the position and you turning your back on them"

Shane nods his head... _you know, he might be right._

"You know I'm right! So go on already..." Referring to the female golfer he carries on "... take one for the team"

Jason lines up his next shot.

"Do you need a good pick-up line? Because I could help you with that. Ask her if it hurt when she fell from heaven. Or tell her..." Jason realizes Shane is no longer there. He turns to see him talking with the female golfer. He smiles, satisfied, and then hits another ball, smashing the snack bar window.

--

Shane goes for 'hole in one' with the female golfer, all is going fine until she starts talking dirty.

"Oh, yeah. That's right. Like that. Oh, baby, fuck me"

As they continue, she gets really dirty, embarrassingly dirty. Nastier than any porn movie, ever.

"Fuck me, FUCK ME, YOU COCK-SUCKING CUM-GUZZLING SHIT-HEAD. HARDER. SPLIT ME IN TWO. FUCKITY-FUCK COCK-SUCKER-MOTHER-OF-AN-ASSHOLE—"

Shane stops in his track and she looks up at him, sane again.

"Is something wrong?"

--

Shane's with a brunette. He looks down to see a tattoo near her pubic region. 'Frank was here' _Not good. _

--

Shane's with a blonde. He looks down to see another tattoo that reads; '666' _Worse. _

--

Shane's in bed with a redhead. He looks down to see a tattoo right above her 'bush' that simply says 'George W.' _Even worse. _

_--_

Shane's in bed with a super hottie. He rolls over and give loves to the hottie's twin sister, a triplet appears from under the covers.

--

Shane is pulled over by a cop whilst driving... the officer walks to the car revealing a butch female police officer. Shane tries to lay down a little law, he goes to kiss her, but she pulls away.

"Yeah, I don't do that with men"

_Okay... _

--

Shane and another woman who's got a stacked and packed tank top are getting down to business on his dentist chair. Shane goes to remove her top...

"NO! Don't take off my top"

"Okay... is there something wrong?" He asks slightly taken aback.

"Those are for the baby"

"You have a baby"

"No, but someday I'll have one" She smiles.

_Okay..._

_--_

Shane is with a cute and more importantly, sane looking woman. Finally, he's reeled in a keeper. Then... she orgasms:

"Oh, I'm going to come. Jesus Christ Almighty, God, My Savoir, I shall adore you from now until forevermore" She finishes "Amen"

Shane doesn't know what to say.

"Would you like to pray with me now?" She asks.

--

Shane is on the golf course with Jason, who happens to be dressed to the nines, looking a little like a pimp. A boyfriend drives up in a golf cart.

"You're the guy, right?" He asks in a hushed tone.

Shane looks embarrassed. Jason, on the other hand, starts to pimp his friend out immediately.

"Yeah, this is him. You got a girl you wanna marry?"

The Boyfriend nods and flashes a stack of cash. Shane shakes his head, instantly taking offense.

"No, I don't do that. Not for money. Sorry" He goes back to his swing, as Jason takes the money from the guy and gives him the high sigh.

--

Shane's with a women in bed, she's screaming in ecstasy. She finishes and rolls over, lying down next to a sweaty Shane.

He looks over at her curiously. "Megan, I swear I know you from someplace"

"We went to high school together"

"Really? Megan... Megan... What's your last name?" Shane asks trying to remember.

"Gillis"

"I knew a Michael Gillis. God, you look exactly like him. Was that your brother?"

"Actually, that was me before the operation"

Shane looks at the ceiling, shocked.

--

"You have one hundred and eight new messages"

--

Shane and Jason throw a Frisbee in the park. Shane's throws are dead on. Jason has less accuracy with a Frisbee than he does with a golf ball.

"What do you mean, 'it feels empty'?" Jason asks.

"None of these women want to be with me. They want to be with the next guy"

"So what? The road to the next guy leads through you" Jason hits a 7 year old child with his throw "Nice stop, kid. Way to be" The boy throws it back groggily.

"It's just not satisfying"

"I'll tell you 'not satisfying'. Last night I masturbated into a grapefruit"

Shane shoots him a look.

"Well, I put it in the microwave first; heat it up a little, which helped... but still"

Jason's spastic throw clocks a Grandmother in the head.

"My bad" He holds his hands out for it back "Little help?"

The woman puts the Frisbee in her purse and walks away; an irked Jason throws his arms in the air as Shane approaches.

"I'm just tired of meaningless sex"

Jason stares at him for a moment. "I have no idea what you just said"

* * *

_I'd also like to say thank-you to every one that reviews and reads this, I didn't think it would be so popular - I promise I'll update my Cinderella story in the next week too. (:  
This chapter has took me 8 hours to write - I keep getting side tracked by my buried love for S Club 8 and then McFly and The Saturdays - there all interlinked, confusing. (: aha  
Check them out. _

**REVIEWS! (: **


	9. Eight

There are a dozen women sat waiting patiently in Shane's waiting room, Mileys one of these girls, sporting many band-aids.

Reba opens the door and looks at Miley.

"Ms. Stewart? The Doctor will see you now"

Miley stand to move towards the door, one of the girls looking at her optimistically, before wishing her good luck. Miley nods her head, not understanding the girl's words completely.

Reba ushers Miley into the room who, with no surprise, managed to crack her head against the hanging dentist light.

"You okay? I've been meaning to have that removed" Shane chuckled playfully as she massages her bruised head and takes a seat.

Shane puts the lead x-ray jacket on with a grin "Protection. Just in case"

"Clever"

"So... have you come back to finish the job?" Shane asks.

"What? Finish killing you?"

"No, finish breaking my heart"

"I hope there are no hard feelings?" She asks.

"For what? You're entitled to turn me down for a date – Even though it's a cataclysmic mistake, one that will haunt you for the rest of your life and keep you from realizing true happiness"

"From the look of your waiting room, I doubt you have any trouble finding a date"

"Not my type" Shane shrugs.

"And what, pray tell, is your type?"

"Black and blue, riddled with bandages" Shane rolls the chair over to her as she opens her mouth letting him look in. He does a little scraping.

"The cap looks good" He removes his gloves – finished already.

"That's it?"

"That's it. Unless you'd like to have lunch with me?"

Miley shakes her head with a smile.

"Dinner?"

Another friendly shake.

"Drinks?"

Another shake.

"Water? The Surgeon General recommends at least 64 ounces of water a day. I'd like to help"

"I don't think so, but thanks" She smiles before exiting the office.

Shane smiles, enjoying getting burnt for the first time in a long while.

-

Miley exits the office and makes her way to the elevator as Shane opens his door and steps into the hall.

"Wait!"

Miley turns as if he's a puppy dog that has followed her home "How do I say, 'no thank you' in your language?"

"You forgot your sunglasses" Shane looks at her expectantly. Miley smiles apologetically and takes them.

"Listen, I just... I'm not emotionally available at this time"

"I'm okay with that. I'm really just looking for a physical relationship anyway" Shane smiles playfully.

"So I've heard" Miley follows the jab with a curt smile.

"Wait! That wasn't serious. That's not how I feel at all" Shane sighed, feeling his ship sink "You know what? I'm sorry. Really, no problem. I get it. I do"

She smiles as she walks into the elevator and out of his life.

--

A long conveyer belt motors people along the front of a giant glass tank, in the observation room. Penguins swim and waddle on the other side.

Miley stands in front of the conveyer with a microphone. As the people pass, she gives an informative speech.

"During the Antarctic winter, temperatures average negative 76 degrees. The winds howl at speeds of up to 200 miles per hour"

Shane rounds the bend, munching on popcorn.

"Emperor Penguins are the only species who can breed during these winter conditions" Miley looks down to see Shane on the belt. He smiles up at her, and she falters momentarily, but continues...

"The female lays a single egg, and then rolls it onto the feet of the male. The male stands and incubates the egg until it hatches – about 65 days. Having built up a thick layer of fat to sustain him through the long winter, he never leaves the egg to hunt for food. The female, who spends the entire incubation period foraging in the ocean, returns before the chick hatches. You can find out more about the Emperor Penguin at one of the many information kiosks. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask"

She puts the microphone down and hops over the conveyer belt, moving towards Shane. As she goes, she knocks the microphone over – it falls into the gear of the conveyer belt and as a horrible screech is heard, the microphone cord snaps. While trying to rescue the cable, she snaps one heel off her shoe.

Shane can't help but laugh. Miley tries to act like nothing happened, she hobbles over to him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Learning about the Emperor Penguin. Having some popcorn" He replies a smile playing his lips.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. So the male Emperor Penguin really lives off his own fat for 65 days to protect the egg?"

She nods.

"You'd think the female could bring him back a tuna-burger or something" Shane carries on.

"Why are you really here?"

"Okay, I don't buy the "I'm not emotionally available." It's weak. Are you dying? Do you not want to get involved because you don't want to hurt me when you die?"

"I'm not dying" She rolls her eyes.

"Good. Me, neither. Am I not your type? Because I can live with that"

"I think you should go"

"I paid fifty eight dollars to see you today. I'll leave if you pay me back" He held up his ticket to prove it to her.

She opened her mouth to speak but a voice cut her off – "Is this the dude?"

Miley spins around to find her stoner best friend, Oliver, approaching without a shirt on. He saunters over and starts to eat some of Shane's popcorn without asking.

"No, thank you, Oliver, this isn't... Shane, this is my best friend Oliver..."

"What? Have you been talking about me?" Shane asks suddenly excited – he turns to Oliver "Has she been talking about me?"

"No I haven't" – "Yup. You the dentist?" Miley and Oliver replied stimutaneously.

"So I am the dude!"

Miley turns to Shane "I mentioned you in passing. I said you were funny"

"And you said –"Oliver starts.

Miley cuts him off "And I said you were charming, and good-looking, and had a nice smile"

"That explains why we're not dating" Shane replies.

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" Miley asks as she turns to Oliver.

"What are you talking about?" He looks down and realises he's topless; this starts a stoner giggle that goes on longer than it should.

A little girl approaches, tugging on Mileys pant leg.

"Excuse me, Miss. How come the momma penguin doesn't bring back food for the poppa penguin?"

Miley bends down to the little girl "The male penguin doesn't need food"

"He'd rather live off his own fat" Shane helped along as the little girl seems appeased with the answer and wanders away.

"I know this comes out of left field, but I was hoping to take you to dinner" Shane turns to Miley again.

"She'd love to" Oliver pipes up.

"Oliver, say another word and I hide your stash" Miley warns.

"Tell you what – you can eat and I'll sit and digest my own lard" Shane smiles.

Careful not to say another word, Oliver offers Shane a nod of encouragement. After fielding another evil look from Miley, Oliver turns and heads through a door marked employees only.

"Look, you're charming, you're funny, you're successful, and cliché of cliché – you help underprivileged kids. It's just that I know three girls that you've gone out with. I'm not into dating as a sport"

Miley walks away, Shane following.

"Wait, you said if anybody had any questions, don't hesitate to ask"

"No. No, no, no, I'm not going to go out with you. No. Don't ask" Miley replies.

"That wasn't my question. My question was..." He looks around trying to come up with something random "...what kind of penguin is that?"

Shane points to a cute little penguin behind the glass, it spends along the water like a ballerina.

"It's a Gentoo. One of the several species of Penguin that is completely monogamous" She says pointedly "I hope that answers your question – and interestingly enough, penguins are also unique in that mate selection is up to the female"

"Much like in our relationship" Shane points out.

"Why do you want to take me to dinner so badly?"

"You look hungry"

"Really..."

"Because you remind me of these penguins"

She waits for an explanation as Shane watches a waddling penguin trip up and of face plant into the ice.

"On land, _outside_, they're kind of awkward and goofy"

_That was a compliment?_

"But _in_ the water, they've got this incredible grace and speed. They're like God's perfect creatures"

Miley is touched, not completely sure on what to say...

"Okay"

"Okay what?" Shane asks.

"Okay dinner"

"Really?"

"Okay" She nods.

Shane gives the thumbs up to Oliver, who now watches intently from behind the glass in the penguin tank, his arms crossed shivering in the intense cold. Even the penguins that are flanking him look happy to hear the news.

"But only as friends. If you have to know... I'm very serious about someone else"

"You're dating someone?" Shane asks.

"Well, no. We haven't exactly met... yet" She steps over and pulls a book off the shelf from the gift shop. All the books on the shelf topple to the ground, she acts as if it didn't happen, turning the book over to show Shane the cover, a picture of the writer, Howard Blaine.

"He's the foremost expert on penguins in the world. I'll be meeting him at a conference later this year"

"And I do not want to interfere with that – actually, I really, really want to interfere. But okay, a date. As friends. Just give me a chance, that's all I'm asking for"

She nods and they face each other silently for a moment.

"What you said about 'god's perfect creature'... that was easily the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

"I was exaggerating a bit" Shane replies with a playful smile.

Miley grins before heading back off to work. She moves to open the door but it's locked, ruining her perfect exit. Shane hides his smile as she turns and totters off in the other direction.

* * *

_It's nearly 2am, I'm not tired, I just feel sick so I though I'd update this for you guys.  
_

_You know the drill now, hit the review button and leave me your fantastically, amazingly, halirous reviews, they really make me smile. _

_12 days till Metro Station, I'm so excited and I'm going to see Robin Hood - again - next Tuesday. Oh and I just booked my holiday for a week before my birthday, so GOOD TIMES! thought id share, ahaha. _

_REVIEW!  
_


	10. Nine

Jason is closing up his office, Shane following him around like an excited puppy.

"'Perfectly imperfect'? What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know. Haven't you ever fallen for somebody's flaws?" Shane asked trying to search for a good answer.

"I'm a plastic surgeon. I see a flaw and I pour spackle over it" Jason replied.

Shane smiles, a warm feeling filling him as he thinks about her.

"She's not very nice to me – and she likes somebody else"

"Score!" Jason smiles as he holds a glass jar with some floating whitish-reddish gunk in it.

"What is that?"

"It's what I'm gonna retire on, my friend" Jason produces a big smile as he turns to a cabinet, unlocking it, he places the jar on a shelf, Shane catching a glimpse of about 20 other jars all with similar things in.

"I'm gonna sell all this shit on Ebay for mad cash"

He picks up a jar with two plastic implants in it "Pamela Lee's breast implants"

"What? Why aren't they implanted in her breasts?" Shane asks.

"She came in for a reduction. These are what I took out"

"You saved them?!"

"You know how much some sick dude is gonna pay for these?" Jason asks as he holds up another jar. "Mira Sorvino's thigh fat"

"Get out of here!"

"I'm serious. It's the cellulite from her left, inner thigh"

"That's disgusting" Shane replied, although he became morbidly fascinated. "What else do you have?"

"Jennifer Grey's septum, Michael Douglas' droopy eyelid, Burt Reynolds' neck skin, Joan Rivers, Joan Rivers, Joan Rivers, Tori Spelling's nose shavings, and the coup de grace, Jennifer Connelly's breast reduction" Jason points to each one.

"It looks like Mira Sorvino's inner thigh"

"Don't be stupid! That's bon fide Jennifer Connelly boob" Jason locks the cabinet with great care, before turning the conversation around again.

"So, Shane's got a crush?"

"It's not a crush. I can't explain it... but she's the one. When I'm with her, I feel like the stars are all lined up" Shane sighs a smile gracing his lips.

"So, since you're out of play, you won't mind if I call up some of your ex-girlfriends?"

Shane turns to look at Jason, irked. "Can I just say, I'm an idiot for taking your advice. 'Public Service!' All I succeeded in doing by being with all those women is to push my soul mate further away"

"Might I remind you that you also got your axle greased a fair amount in the process"

"What's sex without love?" Shane asks.

"Sex! It's still sex! Jesus Christ, I've never met anyone so bummed to squirt a little baby gravy"

Shane shoots him a look – "Stop talking like that"

"Have you even kissed this girl?" Jason asks a little dumbfounded.

Shane shakes his head.

"And you're going cold turkey for her?"

"If she wants me more like a Gentoo, then I'm going to be more like a Gentoo"

"You lost me"

"A Gentoo is a monogamous penguin" Shane explains.

"Did you go off your meds?" Jason asks raising his eyebrow.

Shane exits Jason's office and walks through the waiting room filled with beautiful women, Shane doesn't even notice, he just shrugs back to Jason with a smile.

--

Shane and Miley walk down a moonlit beach.

"Do sharks get cavities?" Miley asks.

"No"

"You have no idea do you?"

Shane shakes his head, caught.

"Isn't the point of 100 questions to ask personal questions? To learn about the other person?"

"I've learned that you don't know the average birth weight if an African Dik-Dik. I think that's just important as you knowing my favourite food is soup – Okay, your question?" Miley asks.

"Why penguins?"

"Why teeth?"

"My question. I asked first" Shane laughs a little.

"Lots of reasons. For one, you can't help but smile when you see a penguin"

"Another trait they share with you"

"Their world, Antarctica, is beautiful. I go there once a year for research. Because of the Earth's axis, there's only one sunrise and one sunset a year. You don't know beauty until you've seen a once-a-year sunset in Antarctica"

Shane turns to her, taking her in. "I don't know about that"

Miley blushes a little, enjoying the moment "And their rituals are fascinating"

"Penguin rituals?" Shane asks, before silencing his phone as it starts to ring "Sorry"

Miley nods. "Rituals. Like when a male penguin is sweet on a female, he goes on a long search across the beach to fine the perfect pebble to offer her. He hunts everywhere to find it. Finally, he waddles over and presents the stone by placing it at her webbed feet. If she accepts his offer, they will be life-long mates"

"Like an engagement ring?"

"It's unbelievable to watch" Miley smiles as she nods.

The quietly pass a couple of teenagers kissing in the sand.

"I have a feeling that you're a very good kisser. I mean, I've already spent an hour and a half inside your mouth, so I should know" Shane smiles turning to look at Miley once more.

"What makes you think I'll be kissing you?" She asks playfully "Might I remind you that with penguins, mate selection is up to the female"

Miley not looks where she's been going, walks face first into a wooden pier plank. She falls back into the sand, Shane dropping to his knees quickly next to her.

"You alright?"

"Ow!"

Shane leans in. He kisses her head. Cheek. Lips. The kiss is slow, gentle and soft. A perfect kiss. He pulls away slowly –

"Yeah, maybe I was wrong about the "very good kisser" thing"

She laughs loudly, before tackling him into the sand. She stands up, starting to walk away in mock offense.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Everybody has something they're good at. I'm sure we'll find yours!" He calls chasing after her.

--

They stand against the rail, watching the rippling water as the snuggle aboard the Bahia Belle.

"Okay, so fess up about this charm"

"You know about it?" He asks as she nods. "And what do you think?"

"I think it's a pretty creative way to get laid"

--

Shane and Miley share a carriage ride in the beautiful town outside of San Diego – not that they're seeing any of it. They're making out like two school kids in the back of the carriage.

Shane's hands go for the bra clasp; he fumbles around for what seems like an eternity.

"First time?"

Shane shivers and it's unclear if it's the crisp air or the moment.

"With you, it almost feels like it"

Her smile warms him. With a mischievous grin, Miley takes her bra off under her shirt. She holds it out for him.

"I think you were looking for this" She smirks.

Shane is speechless for a moment. "So... you're okay with... us... you know... getting a little more..."

Miley smiles friskily "Do I need to provide written instructions?"

Shane quickly turns to the driver of the carriage; "Um... we'll be getting off here"

"Yes you will" Miley whispers suggestively.

The two of them stumble out of the coach and immediately disappear into the nearby park, already starting to remove each other's clothes.

Shane's cell phone rings and he groans. "This is not happening!"

"Turn it off"

"It's the emergency line. I'm sorry" He manages to peel her off him. "I promise, I'll make it fast"

Shane roots through his pocket, finding his phone he moves away to take the call.

"Dr. Gray speaking"

"Dude..."

One word and Shane knows who it is.

"This better be an emergency!"

"Your gonna want to hear this" Jason replies.

Shane looks over to Miley who is now stretched out on some rocks. Her hands aren't waiting for Shane to come back. She enjoys giving him a show.

"I'm hanging up now" Shane speaks up.

"Wait. Have you boned her yet?"

"Goodbye!"

"Fine, if you wanna lose Miley forever, hang up the phone" Jason sighs.

Shane takes the bait. "What are you talking about?"

"That charm thing. Turns out it's a curse. I'm telling you, you shake the sheets with Miley, she's going to marry the next person she dates!"

"We both know that's bullshit!" Shane replies before turning to look at Miley as she moans.

"I hope there's some left for you when you get back!"

"Yeah? Well I started calling your exes to take the Hummer on a little bush patrol, if you know what I mean – And they're married. Every single one you closed the deal with"

"Impossible"

"You'd think so right? But you'd be wrong! A to z on your palm pilot. Cathleen Alexander to Jeannie Zokovitch. All married!" Jason retorts as he carries on looking through the wedding announcements.

"Even Lilly! The nurse! The girl you brought to Mitchie's wedding? She's marrying the best man! The guy right after you!"

Shane is speechless. Jason picks up a piece of paper from his couch, dusting some pizza crumbs away.

"And did you see this month's high school newsletter. Kari Lizer"

"What? The girl I lost my virginity to?" Shane asks.

"Did you see who she wound up marrying? Bobby Romanus. That douche bag she dumped you for"

Shane is silent.

"Are you there?"

Shane turns to see Miley standing on top of the rock, totally naked and grinning ear to ear. She gives a playful wave.

"I hate you. I really, really hate you!" Shane growls into the phone.

--

Shane pulls up out the front of Mileys apartment. There's a long, awkward moment. Miley looks straight ahead, clearly too embarrassed to move.

"Well... thanks"

"I'm sorry. I should probably go. Dental emergency and all"

Miley nods her head, disappointed and a little flustered.

"Yeah – I've never heard of somebody cracking fourteen teeth before"

"Yeah... Freak industrial accident" He catches her look. "I should really go"

* * *

**Reviews please, you know I love them, and you love doing them (:  
Other updates for storys coming soon, but for now I'm off to bed. Goodnight. **


	11. Ten

_So I wrote this at like 2am last night, but then it wouldn't let me post it. _ - Oh, but I went to Robin Hood again last night x3 halirous!  


* * *

_

Oliver is sitting on the sofa with a bong watching the 'Teletubbies' and surrounded in bags of empty potato chips as there's a crash from the front door, a brick landing just behind the sofa.

Miley sulks in, plopping herself onto the sofa next to Oliver, a disappointed look on her face.

"Forgot your keys again?"

Miley nods, pulling her bra from her pocket "Didn't know you were here"

"How'd your date go?" He asks offering her a chip.

"It could have gone better" She gets a slight look of anger on her face "He's playing hard to get"

"How are you playing it?"

"I dry-humped a hitching post in front of him" She shrinks further into her chair, grabbing a bag of chips.

"So what's the biggie? I thought you weren't into this guy"

"Me either. It's just... the way he looks at me sometimes. When I'm around him, I feel like we're the only ones there. You know?"

Oliver nods. "I feel the same way around Mary Jane"

--

Shane and Jason walk past the sun-tanning beauties and make their way to the side of the swimming pool.

"You really want to go through with this?"

"I've got to be sure" Shane replies with determination.

"This is gonna get ugly" Jason warns.

"I have to do it. I've got to put the curse to the test – Where is she?"

Jason points. "She's usually beached over there by that diving board"

They start the walk to the far side of the pool, heading to what Shane mistakes as three people on a towel.

"There she is. Daisy Skepple"

"And she's single?" He finishes his sentence as Jason shoots him a look "What? There's somebody for everybody"

"She's here every day. Always in a two piece. In addition to the back acne, she's got front acne and side acne. See the glass of water by her garbage bag of ding-dongs? She keeps her teeth in that glass. She's grouchy, angry, rude, never tips and has more chest hair than Rin Tin Tin"

"Is she my best bet?" Shane asks considering his decision for a moment.

"Sink the soldier all you want, there's no way this chick is getting married. If she were the last woman on Earth, humanity would come to a screeching halt"

Shane takes a deep breath before bravely proceeding, past a few hot girls, he stops at Daisy. She glares up at him.

"Hey asshole, you're in my sun"

"Hi. My name is Shane. What's your name?"

"Kate Moss. Not beat it!"

"I'm sorry, I was just wondering if I could take you out tonight?" There's a silence. "What do you say?"

Daisy farts in response, causing Shane to pull a face.

"Would you like me to elaborate?" She asks.

"No, I think I understand. I'm very sorry to bother you"

Shane turns to walk away, defeated. He stops for a moment, before turning back.

"I'll give you a hundred dollars to go on a date with me"

She doesn't respond and Shane sighs.

"Two hundred dollars?" He asks.

--

Daisy and Shane are on a date at the beautiful Hotel Del Coronado, Daisy is eating a lobster, whilst Shane has a dozen shot glasses in front of him – half empty, half full.

"A lucky charm huh?"

Shane nods. Daisy sucks the green stuff from her lobster as Shane downs another shot, working up the courage.

"And you just got to take me out for dinner?" She asks.

Shane downs another two shots. _Here goes nothing..._

"Well... I was kind of thinking we could... get physical"

"Alright! I haven't gotten any action since my last gyno exam – I'm gonna fuck you till you die"

She flashes a hideous smile, the green stuff hanging from her teeth.

Shot. Shot. Shot.

--

Shane is standing in his shower, scrubbing himself raw with a soapy sponge. He shuts off the water, breathing a sigh of relief.

"And now... we wait"

--

Miley pushes the button on her answering machine.

"You have one new message"

She smiles, pushing play.

"Hey Miles, I hope you had a nice day at work" There's the sound of a few coughs before he carries on. "Listen. I'm sorry. But I've got this cough I can't seem to shake. Think we can just talk tonight? On the phone. I'd really, really like that..."

Miley smiles, she'd like that too.

--

Shane places the photo shopped picture of him and an unknown bride up on his wall, he slips a wedding ring on as he waves to his patients, some of them getting up and walking out.

--

Jason looks unhappy, the unhappy Shane's ever seen him.

"No way. No way, man!"

"You got to do it" Shane pleads.

"Yeah, right! So I go out with Daisy Skepple to test the curse and what happens next? I'm walking down the aisle with Shamu! I don't think so"

"I'll pay you"

"I don't need your money. I've got Mira Sorvino's thigh fat. I'm going to be a wealthy man"

"Come on, there's got to be something I can offer"

Jason thinks for a moment, before smiling.

--

Jason walks out from his office, wearing a white jacket with the name "Dr. Shane Gray" stitched to the chest. He turns to the half-dozen waiting women.

"Hello, ladies... I'm Dr. Shane Gray. Who's first?"

--

Jason and Shane stand by the shallow end of the pool, the diving board in the distance. Jason screws up his courage and walks towards Daisy.

Shane smiles as he watches Jason chat it up with Daisy.

* * *

_Now I'm watching E.R (: Yayy._

Reviews please? Thanks.  



	12. Eleven

Miley and Shane are on the phone, both soaking in bubble-baths. Completely pruned by now, neither have realised how long they've been talking.

"I can't believe you're still sick. How long has it been?"

"Almost two weeks. It's killing me, but I don't want to infect you" Shane adds in a cough for good measure.

"At this point, I wouldn't mind" She giggles a little "God, I feel like a kid again. I haven't talked to someone on the phone this much since high school"

"Which reminds me... what are you doing for prom?"

"I love your voice. The crazy thing is... I can't picture _you _anymore"

"I'm 6'2", steely blue eyes and washboard abs" He lets out a slight laugh.

"Can I ask you something... are you avoiding actually seeing me?"

"What? Are you kidding me? I'm dying to see you!"

"Come over. Right now. Wash my back" She's met with a small silence. "I'll wear a mask. We can both wear masks. We'll play doctor"

"Oh, God, I want to so badly, but..."

"'But' nothing. I need to see you. I need to see if that birthmark you have really looks like Alfred Hitchcock"

Shane bites his tongue not knowing what to say.

"Okay. If I can't see you, maybe we could at least take our phone relationship to the next level" She continues.

"What do you mean?"

"Mmm, yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you like that?" She puts on a sexy voice.

"Like what?"

"That's my phone sex voice. Work with me here!" She puts on her sexy voice again "Sometimes when I'm out of batteries, I like to use my electric toothbrush"

"Um, I don't think this is a good idea. We probably shouldn't do anything that feels like sex..."

"Does your phone receive pictures?" She asks, before Shane's phone vibrates against his face.

He takes a look at it, before smirking and ducking under the water.

"Wow. Thanks, I think I'm good for a while"

"It's just a little phone sex" She replies to his earlier statement.

"Eh, I don't know if that's against the—" Shane gets cut off as he hears a buzzing sound come from the phone. "Oops, other line. Got to go"

He hurriedly hangs up, frustrated. His phone rings as he quickly answers.

"Jase, talk to me"

"The deed is done. I went out with Daisy. And I'm not proposing to her. So you're in the clear – Are you there?"

Shane's phone lies on the edge of the bathtub, a trail of water leading to his bathroom door.

--

Shane stand in front of Mileys door, she opens it, dressed in her sweats, surprised to see him.

"Hi"

"I'm sorry I didn't call. I couldn't wait"

"What happened to your cough?" She raises her eyebrows.

"Devine intervention. I guess God just wants to see us have sex" He shrugs.

"Well I hate to disappoint" She smiles before pulling him into the apartment.

--

Miley pulls a camera from the tripod as she smiles at Shane.

"I think we need a well-documented historical record of this monumental occasion. How about you?"

Shane nods like a puppy dog – of course he's game.

--

Miley and Shane lay snuggled in bed, a content smile on each face. Shane turns to look at Miley, excitement washing his face.

"I can't wait any longer" She giggles.

"Put in the tape. Put in the tape!"

Miley quickly attaches the cable to the T.V and jumps back into bed pressing play on the remote. They both tilt their heads to the side, trying to decipher the image.

"Is that my nipple?"

Shane shakes his head slowly "I think it's a pimple on my back"

After a moment a look of horror washes both their faces as Miley hurries to try and find the control to turn the tape off.

"Turn it off, good God, turn it off!"

"We've made a terrible mistake"

--

Mileys sleeping peacefully as Shane lays next to her, gazing at her perfect face lit by the flicker of the television.

"Stop looking at me. You're freakin' me out" Miley speaks softly without opening her eyes.

Shane smiles warmly rolling over, only to catch the picture of the television. It's a news report about obesity in America. It flicks to an image of 'fat people' and Shane's face fills with panic.

Reaching for the remote, he rewinds it – back – back – back – stop.

On the screen, a picture of Daisy Skepple kissing a man.

"Oh, my god!"

Shane stands up and paces around the kitchen of the apartment whispering loudly into his phone.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

"Hello?" Jason answers clearly still half-asleep.

"The deed is done!" – "The deed is done!?!" Shane controls his panic as best as he can.

"It's five o'clock in the morning. What are you talking about?" Jason sighs.

"The deed. I'm talking about the deed. I thought you went out with Jade Skepple!"

"Naw, I just said that"

"WHAT?!?"

"Shane? Is everything okay?" Mileys voice is heard from the bedroom.

He shields the phone "Everything's fine, sweetie. I'll be back in a minute" He turns back to the phone, laying into Jason again. "You just said that?"

"I didn't want to risk it. Marrying her"

"I saw you with her! You asked her out!!"

"No. I asked her what time it was. It was 3:52" Jason stated.

"I can't believe I trusted you. You are no longer my friend"

"Can I still pretend to be you?"

"No. You can't be me. I'm me. I never want to talk to you again. Ever. Ever, Ever!"

"You're really going to let a girl come between us?"

"Not **a** girl. **The** girl! – Now I'm going to lose her"

Shane slams down his phone as his words hang in the air. He shakes his head a little, before his head shoots up and an angry expression comes to his face.

"No. I'm not going to lose her!"

--

"Mmm... breakfast in bed" Miley smiles a little as she stirs, opening her eyes she lets her eyes take in the amount of food they're actually is.

"Good morning"

"Am I supposed to eat my way out?" She asks.

"I just thought you'd like a little breakfast"

"Thank you" She replies, a little confused.

She sits up, careful not to spill anything, before picking up a piece of toast, her eyes making their way to Shane who looks a little tweaked.

"Are you okay?"

"Couldn't be happier. You okay?" He asks.

Miley nods, studying him for a little. "You're acting kind of strange"

"I'm not acting strange" He sits on the edge of the bed trying to look natural. Miley gives him a "What the hell is going on?" face.

"So, what do you want to do today?"

"Well... I've got to go to work" Miley states.

"Right. Of course. Work. Me, too – how about Saturday night? Or Sunday? Say Wednesday?"

Miley looks him over. _What the hell?_

"Can we play it by ear?"

* * *

_This is overdue, sorry guys.  
I've had my twin cousions 19th birthday, where i came out a little worse for wear.  
Watching E.R obsessivley and a shopping trip.  
Work, my boss leaving - the nice boss.  
& then my girl twin cousion got engaged on her birthday so we had another party last night! Aha._

Anyways, you guys don't care about that.  
Heres the update, enjoy... **REVIEWWW! **

_P.S - **METRO STATION TOMORROW**! (Y). _


	13. Twelve

_Update. Wow. (:

* * *

_

Jason and Shane brave the morning traffic, walking to work. Shane grabs his cell phone and starts to dial a number, waiting for an answer.

"Hey, Miley. How's it going? – I just wanted to make sure I had your right cell phone number – got it – no worries – everything's cool"

A beat.

"And I'm looking forwards to Saturday night. And Sunday. And Wednesday. – Okay, bye"

Shane flips his cell phone shut as Jason looks towards him, wanting to say something, but deciding against it.

A beat later, Shane flips the phone open again, dialling.

"Miley? – Miley, is that you? Oh, my God, I must have dialled you instead by accident. I meant to call the... library. How funny is that? – Right. Work. Of course. Bye"

Shane flips his cell phone down again as he and Jason continue walking in silence. Shane opens it once again, dialling.

"Hey, guess who? Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I won't call again. So, if you need or want to talk to me, for whatever reason, you'll have to call me – No problem. Okay this is it. My last... transmission. This call. Here. Bye. Bye. Bye. B –"

Before Shane gets the chance to say goodbye again, Jason has ripped the phone from Shane's hand throwing it to the floor and stomping in it. The phone now lays in a million pieces.

Jason continues to walk. "You're welcome"

--

Miley opens the door of her office to find the room overflowed with zillions of flowers. Wading through them she finds a card.

"Miss you already, Shane"

A stoned Oliver shuffles up behind her.

"Is there something different in here since lunch?"

Miley opens her closet to hang her jacket as hundreds of red, helium balloons escape from the little room and float to the ceiling. Every single one is shaped like a heart.

"What the he—" Miley starts softly only to be stopped by a knock on the door. She heads to answer it, four men in tuxes standing at the door.

One of the blows on a tuning harmonica and then, in perfect harmony –

"_I look and stare so deep in your eyes  
I touch on you more and more every time  
When you leave I'm beggin you not to go  
Call your name two, three times in a row"_

They start lame choreography –

"_Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now  
Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's  
Got me lookin so crazy right now" _

Oliver and Miley stare at the quartet in silence...

"Hey – you guys do Free Bird?!" Oliver exclaims.

--

Miley makes her way to her car, as she approaches, she slows, a look of dismay on her face.

There are tin cans tied to the back of the bumper and hearts and writing all over the car in soap.

On the back window Miley notices the big sign – **"Almost Married"**

--

Shane, a ball of nerves bursts from his office door heading towards Jason's, he stops looking back to see his name plate missing. Looking down at Jason's he sees his taped over Jason's.

--

Shane barges into Jason's office, who was currently knee-deep into some heavy-petting with a blonde.

"If you were a hamburger at McDonalds... I'd name you McBeautiful"

"Jase. I need you, it's important"

"Hmm? My name is Dr. Shane Gray. I don't know who this Jase is that you speak of"

Shane not wanting to waste any time, takes out his wallet and shows his Driver's License to the blonde. She immediately slaps Jason, storming out.

"I'll call you!" He calls after her.

Shane closes the door and locks it. "I need your help"

"With what?"

"I've been thinking. Miley is going to fall in love and get married to the next guy that she dates" Off Jason's blank look, he carries on "I'm going to be that guy"

"You lost me at 'hello'" Jason replied.

"You're a plastic surgeon. You're going to completely change my face to make me look like a different person. Then I'll be the next person she falls in love with"

"Shane, in the history of bad ideas, that falls somewhere in between New Coke and JFK saying "let's take the convertible""

"So you're not going to help me?" Shane asks.

"Yes, by not rearranging your face" Gripping Shane's shoulders he sits him down "Get a grip man. There's got to be another way"

A long beat. A look of elightnment spreads Shane's face.

"Why hadn't I thought of this before?"

"What? Time machine? Clone her?"

"I'll just follow her around and keep her from meeting another guy"

Jason just stares at him...

"The plastic surgery was a better idea"

Ignoring him, Shane carries on. "I just have to buy myself some time till I figure out how to reverse the curse"

* * *

All the snow disapperead right, in the space of 2 hours its come back and covered everything, I dont have work tomorrow. SO I LOVE THE SNOW!  
But then my mate put me on a downer.... jeez, sometimes I wonder.

Anyways, update.  
Ill update one shots tomorrow and please check out my CINDERELLA story, no-one reviews anymore.

If people keep just favein or subbing my stories and NOT reveiwing, I will stop updating, because as lame as I may sound, ITS ANNOYING!

I'm off to bed now anyway, goodnight.


	14. Thirteen

Shane has a donut and coffee in his car, carefully watching Mileys apartment. She suddenly exits, heading for her car, Shane ducks in his seat, the coffee spilling onto his lap.

He follows her as she drives down the highway at a healthy clip. A Police car suddenly flashes its lights from behind her, Miley pulling over as Shane pulls his car over in the distance.

He hovers down behind his steering wheel, spying.

"Oh no, this isn't good" He mutters as a muscular policeman steps out of his car. He strides towards Mileys car. "It's over. Game over. Party's over"

Miley rolls her window down as the police officer knocks on it.

"License and registration, please"

"Yes, officer" She hands the policeman her information.

"PIG!!!!" A car flies past honking its horn. Without missing a beat, the officer hands Miley back her documents and rushes back to his car to take pursuit.

"Shane?"

--

Shane looks around the cell he's sat in with a few drunks.

"Shane Gray? You made bail" The guard speaks up, opening the door for him.

--

Shane and Jason step out of the jail building and into the pouring rain.

"So how's the plan working out for you so far?" Jason asks.

"Thanks for bailing me out" Shane sighed "What are you up to tonight?"

"Masturbating" Jason replies "Oh, and then I gotta go see my mate. He found out last week that he's got an inoperable tumour"

"That's horrible"

"Yeah, he's got like one week to live"

"That's... perfect. He's perfect for her"

Jason stops in his tracks to stare at Shane.

"No. No, no, no!"

"What's the harm? He gets laid. She falls in love. He's dead inside a week. I swoop into console her. Bim, bam, boom, everybody's happy"

Jason shakes his head in disgust beginning to walk away.

"What hospital is he at?" Shane calls. "What?! I just want to send him flowers"

Jason turns on him. "Shane, snap out of it, okay? If you love this girl, go tell her! Live happily ever after. Just avoid going nuts while you do it"

Shane nods and mouths a 'thank you', before walking away.

"I doubt she's had time to file a restraining order!" Jason calls after him.

--

Shane walks into the penguin habitat and starts looking for Miley. He rides the people mover conveyer belt. Two penguins bat a balloon back and forth, but Miley is nowhere to be seen.

Shane sees Oliver in the tank, feeding the birds. He moves to the glass and knocks, waving as Oliver looks up.

Oliver approaches the window and points to a sign that reads: "Please don't knock on the glass" before returning to his work.

Shane glances into the gift shop, still no Miley. He sees a book on the shelf with Howard's big smiling face on it. Pulling a box from his pocket, he opens it up fingering the engagement ring inside in it. _Not good._ He places it back into his pocket.

He sees Miley enter the far end of the penguin tank, wearing a dive suit.

He smiles triumphantly as he runs towards the window. He's just about to knock on the glass, when he remembers the sign. He turns to his left. _Better idea._

The woman next to him is applying lipstick, taking the lipstick from her hand he jumps up on the people mover hand rail. Leaning against the glass he starts to write a message in gigantic letters.

"I LOVE YOU" is what he's written onto the glass. A beautiful expression of love and the way every movie should end.

From inside the tank, Oliver and Miley look up at the crazy lunatic. Reading it in reverse, Shane has written. **"UEVOLI"**. Oliver cocks his head confused.

"Is that a plural for uvula?"

Shane steps down from the rail, expecting the romantic climax of two lovers jumping into one another's arms. Instead he was tackled by two park security guards and wrestled to the ground.

Miley and Oliver both run out to stop things before they escalate.

"Stop it! Stop it!!!"

The guards release Shane who dusts himself off.

"Shane, what the hell are you doing?" Miley asks, to which he is speechless.

"Is this guy you're friend?" One guard asks.

Miley gives an embarrassed, hardly noticeable nod. "Shane, why have you been acting so... crazy?"

Shane is about to defend himself but looks around to see a crowd gathered, realizing his behaviour has no defence.

"All right, yes, I've been acting a little crazy. But I have a reasonable explanation" Shane tries.

"Let me guess. You're a lucky charm and you're afraid I might marry the next person I date. So you're acting like a nut-job trying to keep me?"

Shane stands there, too embarrassed to say 'exactly'. An older woman uses a moment of silence to approach.

"Hi, I'm sorry, I was eavesdropping. Are you really Shane Gray, the lucky charm? Because I was wondering..."

"I'm sorry, I can't" He cuts in turning to see Miley walking away. "Wait! Mi, please"

Shane catches up to Miley, guards in tow.

"Listen, I think we should take a break" Miley turns to look at him.

"'A break'? That's code for you don't want to date me anymore"

Miley doesn't say anything. An awkward moment.

"Hey, look... the plural for uvula spells "I love you" backwards." Oliver bursts out suddenly.

Shane pulls away from the guards and moves to Miley earnest and moving. Here it is... the speech of the movie.

"Listen to me. I love you. I've loved you since the first moment I saw you – My entire life, I've been nothing more than a stepping stone for every relationship I've ever been in. There's always a 'next guy' who's better than me. For once, I want to be that next guy. For once, I want to get the girl. And I want that girl to be you"

There's a long beat.

"I'm sorry, Shane. You're just not who I thought you were"

Miley turns and walks back into the penguin tank. She puts on her mask and jumps into the water, disappearing from Shane's life forever....

* * *

_Ooooo.  
Wow, sorry i haven't updated in a while._

Reviews? I have cookies.  
xo


	15. Fourteen

**_Wow guys, I'm so sorry for the long delay on this. I don't have an excuse, just sorry. _**

* * *

Reba opens her umbrella as she walks out into the pouring rain, passing a few bums sat out on the benches, all soaking through.

She stops and turns as she walks past one at the bus stop.

"Dr Gray?"

Shane looks up from the bench, soaked and miserable. "Hi Reba"

"I was calling you all day. Where have you been?"

"I decided to take the day off" He replied flatly "Hey? Do you know if our office building has roof access?"

"Things can't be that bad" Reba soothed. "You know, I owe you a "thank you". I met a guy. He's... wonderful. I really think he's the one"

"That's great, Reba. Really. I'm happy for you" He replied sincerely.

"You've done a good thing. You've helped people find love"

That doesn't seem to lift Shane's spirits as Reba places her umbrella over him and they sit in silence for a moment.

In front of them, a homeless man wrapped in a garbage bag picks through trash looking for recyclables.

"Do you know how many women there are out there? Waiting? For you?" She points to the downpour. "One for every raindrop"

The homeless man drops a bottle, causing Shane to look down as it spins. It suddenly stops, pointing across the street. He glances up to see a goth-looking girl stood at a bus stop, although she isn't the same girl, she looks remarkably like the girl from the make-out party that got Shane into this trouble. The girl gazes directly at Shane.

Reba has been talking this whole time, although Shane doesn't know what about.

"Dr Gray? Are you all right?"

Shane continues in his daze like state. "...fall like rain... I'm in pain... Reba, it's just like she said... it's raining. All around!"

She looks at him as if he's lost his marbles.

"That's why I'm holding an umbrella over you"

Shane regains his focus. "No! Not rain. Love. Raining love. But I'm in pain. See?" He tries to search for the words. "'Once they've been with you... they'll find true...' Omigod!"

Shane finally sees things clearly for the first time, making a dash in the rain, leaving Reba sat alone on the bench, confused.

--

Miley brushes the feathers of the sickly penguin.

"I'm so sorry, little buddy"

Oliver enters and sits down next to them. "What's up with Jester?"

"His girlfriend died. He stopped grooming himself" She replied disheartened. "This is the hardest part of the job. Almost worse than losing one. He'll never try to find someone to replace her"

Oliver slides over and helps to pamper the poor little guy.

"It's heart-breaking isn't it? To think that you can fit together with someone so completely that when they're gone, there's no one to fill the empty space"

Oliver turns to look at her. "You should call him"

"He's changed. He's crazy"

"To quote Beyonce: "Your love's got me lookin' so crazy right now. Got me lookin' so crazy right now. Your touch got me lookin' so crazy right now" Have I made my point now?"

From the look on Mileys face, he had.

--

Shane bursts into the front door without knocking. "Jase! I got it!!! I need to Google some—"

Shane immediately exits as quickly as he'd entered. He stands outside trying to shake an image.

"Jase... that's disgusting!"

There's a beat.

"What? I told you I was going to be masturbating" Jason calls.

"But... that's disgusting"

"Hey it's a known fact that stimulation of the prost—"

"Get dressed" Another beat. "And wash your hands!"

--

Shane drives as Jason navigates.

"A hex? She put a hex on you? I have no recollection of this event whatsoever. How old were we?"

"I don't know. Ten. Eleven. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm hexed" Shane bit back.

"Okay, I think I should be driving" Jason adds, now convinced Shane was nuts.

Shane ignores him, carrying on a little too excited. "Don't you remember? Black lipstick, long fingernails and a total freak. She wanted to see my penis and I wouldn't show it to her so she pulled my nipple and put a hex on me"

"Dude, did you forget to pay your brain bill?"

"Only she can break the spell" Shane replied.

Jason glances at the map they'd printed out. "This is the address. Stop the car. Stop the car!"

Shane pulls the car over, staring up at the house.

"How do you think I get her to break the spell?"

"I don't know. She wanted to see your penis..."

Shane gets out of the car and starts towards the house.

Suddenly worried, Jason adds. "Um... that was a joke?"

Shane knocks on the front door, a 5 year old girl opening it.

"Hi, is your mother home?"

The little girl stares at him.

"Is your mother's name Rachel?"

"What's with the fifty questions?"

A beat.

"That was only two questions"

"It's a hyperbole"

From behind the little girl, a woman comes to the door. She is dressed in a floral print dress looking more like Laura Ashley than Marilyn Manson. Shane is taken aback.

"Oh... hi... I think I have the wrong..." He turns to leave. "Sorry to bother you"

She shrugs and starts to close the door, at the last moment Shane stops the door from closing.

"Are you Rachel Carter?"

The answer is clearly a yes. "Do I know you?"

"I'm Shane Gray" He looks at her for some sign of recognition. None comes.

"I know this is going to sound crazy, but when we were kids, you put a hex on me so that all my girlfriends would fall in love with somebody else. And I need to reverse the spell. Am I making any sense?"

Without saying anything, Rachel cautiously reaches up to a shelf by her door and pulls down a can of mace.

"Apparently not"

He looks down at the little girl. She wears the identical Wicca pentagram necklace originally worn by Rachel as a little girl.

"That was yours wasn't it?" He turns to the girl again "Is your mommy's name Rachel?"

"You gonna mace him, Mom?" She asks emotionless.

Shane throws the girl a look as Rachel motions for her daughter to head back inside.

"Okay, see, the problem is that we're at an impasse here. I know you know what I'm talking about but you're not talking. And I need to know how to break the hex. This is my life we're talking about"

Rachel remains silent.

"What can I do to convince you?"

From the car Jason watches the scene with a bemused fascination. Without warning, Shane drops his pants.

* * *

**Reviews please. (:  
This has nearly finished.  
Xo**


	16. Fifteen

Shane finds himself once again behind bars. He sits next to Rupert, a 400 pound shaved bald inmate, who hangs on his every word.

"This sucks! That's right! I said it! Do you know why I'm in here? Do you know why?"

Rupert shrugged, answering in an unusually feminine voice. "Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon?"

"Love. Love, Rupert. I'm here because of love. Everybody else is finding love, but what about me?"

"You deserve love"

"Yes, I do. And do I deserve to be in here?"

Rupert shakes his head.

"Exactly! Indecent exposure, my ass. You tell me, what could possibly be indecent about trying to hold onto the only love of your life"

"Nothing. That's not indecent"

"Lucky charm. They call me a "lucky charm!" But I'm not lucky. I'm so incredibly Un-lucky! Sure, it's lucky for everybody else that if you have sex with me you find true love... but I'm miserable!"

"We all need love" Rupert replied.

"Am I holding on too tight? Is that the problem? To happiness. To passion. To love" Shane asks getting emotional.

"My mother told me once; if you love something, set it free"

Shane nods his head, letting Rupert's words sink in.

"Thank you, Rupert. Those are lovely words. Really... lovely words"

There's a beat, before Rupert leans in and provocatively asks "Now... how does this lucky charm work exactly? What do we have to do?"

Shane's jaw drops. He glances around the cell, all eyes on him. _Oh, shit._

"Shane Grey! You made bail"

A few minutes later Shane is stood on the steps of the jailhouse. In front of him is the butch female police officer from earlier.

"Seriously, thank you. Five more seconds and ... I don't know how to thank you..."

"You already did. You helped me find the love of my life" She grabs the hand of her female partner standing next to her.

Shane smiles and joins Jason at the bottom of the steps, before they both make their way toward Shane's car.

"So, what's the plan now? Let me guess, we time travel to 2097 and track down Mileys reincarnated soul, drag her back to our world, and hope she falls in love with you? Or is it something involving the gravitational pull of the Earth?"

"Jase, I saw things clearly for the first time in that cell. I realized that my whole life has been spent protecting myself against love. Closing off my heart, I should have been opening it"

"What about Miley? You opened it for Miley" Jason pointed out.

Shane shook his head. "No, see, I didn't. What was the first thing I did when I realised I might lose her? I went Chicken Little. I was so scared about the future that I totally ignored the present. I was so concerned about the next guy that might come along that I completely ignored this guy. I was so worried about losing my soul mate that I lost view of the fact that if I lose Miley, she isn't my soul-mate in to begin with – if you love something, set it free"

"Are you done?" Jason asks. "I'm going home – bailing you out of jail every fifteen minutes has seriously eaten into my masturbation time"

--

Shane picks up his phone and dials; he has a book on penguins, written by... Howard Blaine.

"Hi. I'm trying to find a Howard Blaine"

A beat.

"Hi. Howard. We've, um, never met. But I have a friend that you need to... meet"

--

Miley hustles down the street toward a coffee shop. She checks her watch and looks around the place.

She approaches someone sitting with his back towards her. The man turns revealing Howard, he greets her with a hug. She sits with a warm smile.

--

Miley and Howard have dinner at a fancy restaurant, more conversation, more bonding.

Howard knocks over his glass of water. Miley bursts out laughing. The two are perfect for each other.

--

Miley and Howard are in the habitat tank. Howard plays with the penguins as Miley proudly shows off her flat-footed friends, video-taping their antics with her camera.

At the far end of the habitat, Shane starts to come around the bend on the people mover.

He sees Miley talking to Howard in the tank. Nodding his head, he tries to be happy for her, but the emotion is quickly followed by dysphoria as he starts to walk backwards, hoping they won't see him. He walks against the grain and towards the entrance again, bumping into a red-headed woman.

--

The room is dark and gloomy, shutters closed. It feels like a morgue. Shane sits on the couch, in a robe, eyes open. He could be dead.

Light streams through the door, as Jason bursts in. He starts talking immediately.

"I'm getting married!"

Shane doesn't move.

"I found my dream girl, dude, and I just proposed and it's all because of you – Lara? Come on in!"

A moment later, one of the girls Shane recognises he slept with walks in, a huge rock on her finger.

"Lara stepped out of heaven and into my office to correct a "condition". She's got polymastia"

Shane stares at him with a blank look.

"More than two boobs. You wanna see?" Jason asks.

"No, no-no-no-no—"Shane starts.

"It's okay. I mean, if you want. I used to be embarrassed until Jase made me realize how special I was"

Without waiting for Shane's consent, Lara lifts her shirt.

"Is that, or is that not, the most beautiful sight you've ever seen? It's like seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time, like seeing Earth from space, like seeing the Olsen twins make out with each other"

Lara puts down her shirt and Jason baby-kisses her a couple of times, getting lovey-dovey. Shane smiles meekly.

"But that's not the reason we came – You know it smells like cheese in here. Gouda, maybe? You might want to open a window – Okay, tell him, baby"

"I'm friends with Mitchie and she told me that Miley Stewart—"

"Miley, your Miley"

"I know who she is" Shane nods.

"Anyway, Mitchie said that Miley said that she's leaving for Antarctica with some penguin guru"

A beat as Shane takes the information in.

"That's good. I'm happy for her" Shane calmly replies.

Jason stares at Shane, waiting for him to come to his senses. Over the course of 30 seconds, Shane goes through all the seven stages of grief, before finally some common sense kicks in.

"What the fuck am I doing?"

"That's what I'm saying to you!"

Shane speedily starts to get dressed.

* * *

**_This is nearly at the end now. _**

**_So I am so stoked to go see JB in June down in London - the support act, well that's Demi, I mean I didn't see that one coming, not onvious at all. [Insert Sarcasm Here]. _**

**_Reviews please? I love you guys. _**

**_xo_**


	17. Sixteen

Shane drives up to the stoplight, cell phone to his ear. On the seat next to him lies the engagement ring box from a few days ago.

"Oliver, you're not listening to me! I need to know where Miley is" A beat. "Your best friend"

The signal is taking too long, Shane decides to take matters into his own hands. Hopping from the car, he runs towards the pedestrian signal and pushes it, before heading towards his car again.

"Oliver, I need you to focus for a moment. It's important! – What time? What airline? What flight?" There's another beat. "Miley! Your best friend!"

The light still hasn't changed and there hasn't been a car in sight since he stopped. Shane yells in frustration, hanging up his phone and looking both ways.

Not a car in sight. The light still red.

He guns it across the street.

No less than three seconds later, a whirring light and siren appear behind him. Looking into the rear-view mirror, he pulls over quickly. Out of the car steps the same police officer that recently sent him to jail.

--

Shane is on the freeway again, speeding. Sitting next to him are the engagement ring box and newly written traffic ticket.

"That's good enough. I mean, how many flights could there be to Antarctica? Thank you! I just to make it" He hangs up the phone again.

Behind him, a siren and lights. Pulling over he sinks into his seat.

--

Shane is speeding along the freeway, AGAIN. On the seat next to him is the engagement ring box, a traffic ticket and a newly written speeding ticket.

Suddenly a siren and lights. He pulls over, AGAIN.

The same officer who gave him the speeding ticket a few minutes back steps from the car.

--

Shane is driving slowly and cautiously down the freeway. The police car follows behind him, waiting for any law breaking.

Seeing an exit for the beach, Shane turns off. He uses both his blinker signal and a hand signal.

--

Shane walks out to a rocky inlet of the ocean. The water breaks against the rocks as Shane walks back towards the sand. _What the hell?! _

--

Shane pulls up towards the airport and makes a dash for the door as a traffic cop shouts at him to stop.

"Has the flight to Antarctica boarded yet?" He asks as he reaches the ticket counter.

"Which one? There are two"

"Has the one with a passenger named Miley Stewart boarded yet?"

"I'm sorry sir, I can't give you that information"

He makes a move towards the gate.

"Sir, you won't be able to go to the gate without a ticket"

Shane takes out his wallet. "I'd like a ticket to Antarctica. Actually, I'd like two tickets to Antarctica. One on each plane"

"There are only first class tickets available, sir"

"Of course there are" Shane sighs defeated, he waits anxiously as the Air Attendant types on the computer. Glancing outside, he sees his car being towed away.

"Are you travelling with any baggage?"

"No"

"You so realize its negative sixty degrees?"

"Please. Hurry"

She nods printing the tickets out. "That will be seventeen thousand, four hundred and twelve dollars"

--

Shane passes through security. They make him take off his shoes. His belt. They scan him down with a hand-held wand. Just to make it that little slower.

--

Shane makes it to the first plane as it begins to board. He side steps boarding passengers wearing heavy winter coats.

"Miley? Miley?!"

No Miley.

--

From the other side of the terminal, Shane sees Miley boarding the other flight. He makes a rush for it as he hands his second ticket to the stewardess.

--

Finding her seat, Miley is just about to put her carry-on into the overhead compartment.

"Here, let me help you with that"

"Thank you"

She turns surprised to see Shane standing next to her. "Shane?"

"I'm sorry. Don't be mad"

He turns to look at Howard who is sitting in the centre seat. "Antarctica, you couldn't just take in a movie?"

He turns back to Miley.

"Miley, I know it seems a little crazy that I've showed up here but I have to tell you in all honesty that it felt even crazier not to show up. It's just that when you find the right person, it feels wrong to fight it"

He shakes his head a little. "Oh, God, this was a bad idea, wasn't it? I mean, you're going away with... Howard"

His face drops, giving into the inevitable.

"Shane, have you met Howard's wife, Marilyn" The red-headed Marilyn sits at the window. She turns to look at Shane, smiling politely.

Shane stands there, shocked. He realises he's made an awful mistake.

"Oh, wow. I um... I had to see you. I couldn't let you go to Antarctica without seeing you again"

"But I'll be back on Wednesday"

There's a long beat.

"So, maybe I'll call you Thursday. Or Friday. Better yet, why don't you call me?"

Miley moves closer to him. "Howard told me about your call"

Shane braces himself for a slap.

"That was the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me"

"So I embellished a little bit" She smiled at him. "A lot. I embellished a lot. What can I say, you're a tough sell"

"If you wanted me so badly, why did you work so hard to get Howard to meet me?"

"Mate selection is up to the female. I thought I'd give the other birds a chance" He shrugs a little. "I knew you wanted to meet him. I knew it would make you happy"

She smiles and kisses him lightly on the cheek.

"So... you forgive me for acting crazy?"

"Not even a little bit" A beat. "But I'm willing to wipe the slate clean. Start from square one. Before square one"

"I'll pretend I don't you"

"And I'll pretend that I don't like you again" She smiles.

Shane looks over to Howard who is holding hands with his wife.

"He's married?"

Miley nods.

"That makes it even better that I called him!"

She smiles at his off-centre sense of humour. "Listen, when I get back, no more flowers, or balloons, or telegrams, or... monkey-grams..."

"I promise"

"And when I trip over myself, I expect you to still laugh at me"

"Okay" A beat. "I won't just laugh, I'll point"

Miley nods. "So, I'll see you when I get back"

A female passenger sitting two rows back pipes up.

"Excuse me, aren't you Shane Gr..."

"Can it! He's mine" Miley cuts in, before turning to him and giving him a kiss that changes the cabin's air pressure. They pull apart. As Shane is about to leave, he stops...

"I almost forgot"

He hands her the engagement box. She looks down at it, worried. _He's acting crazy again, already._

Without another word, Shane exits the plane.

Slowly and suspiciously, Miley opens the box. Inside is a pebble, a tiny perfect stone.

She smiles.

--

Rachel kisses her daughters forehead bidding her goodnight, before walking towards her own room.

_I promise to sleep by your side, to warm your body and heart, and to nurture your soul. I promise to laugh with you when times are good and suffer when they are bad and most of all, I promise never to make you live off your own fat. I love you Shane. _

Rachel reaches her bedroom. She opens her closet and pulls out a box full of witchcraft paraphernalia.

_I promise to be your Gentoo. I will wash your tears away with my kisses and never let you stray too far away from my soul. I promise to be your safe heaven in this life, to never take you for granted, but to always give you your space... especially if you're tripping or walking into doors. I love you Miley. _

Rachel pulls out an old photograph of Shane from the box, along with a heart cushion a pin stuck through it. With a satisfied smile, she pulls the pin from the heart.

--

"What are you looking for?" Lara asks as Jason scoops through Shane's dresser drawer.

"Sex tapes. Why bother house-sitting, if you can't scoop some good old fashioned homemade porn out?"

Jason smiles as he places it into the tape machine, presses play and sits next to Lara again.

Shane tries to talk nasty at Mileys urge, not quite gathering the hang of it. "Bounce your boobs like a bouncy... hippity hop... wait, can I start again?"

"WOAH, WOAH, WOAH... wrong hole"

The camera is close up on Shane, and it's clear Miley is on top of him, grinding passionately. She starts to orgasm, and as she does she drops the camera, smacking Shane in the face. Ouch.

---------

**Fin - The End. **

* * *

**I hope you guys liked it, but this is over now. One less story to update, aha.  
I loved the response I got to this, so thanks. (:**

Review please.  
Xo


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